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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating an insecure person

9 replies

Builderbob1 · 19/05/2025 22:34

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 9 months. She’s very insecure. She constantly goes on about not being able to trust me etc, (for no reason,(yes I’ve asked why and she can’t answer). I suspect she’s been going through my drawers etc as stuff gets moved around a lot but I haven’t mentioned it to her.
At first I just reassured her and did all the normal things to make her feel safe etc, but I’m starting to get really wound up now. There’s only so many times you can say reassure someone.
Today I went over to see my daughter (20), she lives with her mum and we’ve been divorced several years and she’s been with her current partner for 5 years.
she flew off the handle accusing me of wanting to get back with her etc?
I can see she has some sort of mental health issue, she has very low self esteem but I really love her and want to try and make things work.
today I gave her the number of a therapist and said she had to call and make an appointment. She’s said she doesn’t want to but I’ve think I can’t do anymore myself now.

was I wrong to do this? I’ve told her I’ll pay for it as I know she worries about money etc. Ive also said we can go together if she wants to, whatever she’s comfortable with.

Im a really positive person and she’s really bringing me down it’s hard to stay positive. I don’t want to walk away but it’s starting to really get me down.

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 19/05/2025 22:41

Is she checking your tech? Have you checked for spyware and is your tracking on?

Her behaviour is completely unacceptable, she shouldn't be rooting through your stuff or making unfounded accusations.

She needs to want to get help but she obviously doesn't. Give her an ultimatum and lock down all your devices.

PruthePrune · 19/05/2025 22:47

Throw this one back. Things are not going to improve.

UnemployedNotRetired · 19/05/2025 22:51

Is it insecurity, or being a controlling person?

Orarita · 19/05/2025 22:55

Just get rid of her. Problem solved

Pawse · 19/05/2025 23:02

🏃🏿‍♂️

You can't change her!

MsDDxx · 19/05/2025 23:10

Easier said than done when you love someone, but life is too short to live like that. If she won’t get help, there’s not a lot you can do unless you issue an ultimatum of sorts - she gets help to save your relationship.

healthybychristmas · 19/05/2025 23:11

Why on earth would you pay for her therapy? It sounds like she's going to need it for years! It's not your responsibility. She's not good for you and you need to get out of the relationship, not prolonged by paying for therapy for her.

Sodthesystem · 19/05/2025 23:56

UnemployedNotRetired · 19/05/2025 22:51

Is it insecurity, or being a controlling person?

Exactly.

Women can be abusers too.

If it was a man we'd be telling you to run because this relationship is abusive. And tbh - run, because this relationship is abusive.

It's only 9 month in. This should be the easy, fun honeymoon stage.

It won't get better.
Time to go.

Tbrh · 20/05/2025 00:25

Run. Run fast

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