I love him, he loves me we have a child but theres NO chemistry

[MsDiscontented]

married to a great man, we have our problems but by and large get on fine together. I know he loves me, he does a lot for me and nothings too much trouble. He supportive and kind and I can talk to him about anything. However and its a big however, theres nothing there (at least for me) when we sleep together. I think its always been like that now, infact since we met. I cant even say the sex is crap, its just I dont feel anything physically for this man despite him being very good looking and fanciable. I dont know why I've settled for this, I know how great sex can be from previous relationships. However, its now got to the point where I'm wondering how long I can go on like this, I'm so sick of pretending with him. In the past hes guessed I'm not happy and has taken steps to ahem improve his performance. Its not his performance thats the issue though its the fact I dont feel anything sexually for him. Its a huge decision to end a relationship but at the same time can I spend the rest of my life living like this??

I am a regular but have name changed.

I am in exactly the same place.

Sex was great for about 18 months before marriage. I had even gone off him a bit before the wedding as had met another man and had huge chemistry. But stuck with long term boyfriend and married him.

Like you, I just don't really fancy him.

I hate the way he kisses. We went through a period of 8 years with no sex, mainly because I had a health problem, which is still there, but slightly better- but it is an "easy excuse" it IS genuine, but I know if I felt about him differently, I'd make the effort.

I don't know the answer- I feel I should leave but we have 2 dcs who are our pride and joy.

To make it worse,he still fancies me like mad. I feel an utter cow.

I do not know the answer for you- just wanted to say that I know how you feel.

Re kissing, I know where you're coming from. I cant stand my husband kissing me, it makes me feel physically sick and afterwards I cant help but wipe my mouth and he gets all upset. I avoid kissing him and we havent kissed in years. Iknow he fancies me like mad but for me its just not there. I have name changed too because I'm not proud of this- but I slept with a work colleague just to check really that there was nothing wrong with me. it made things worse though as sex with the colleague was fantastic. When I do have sex with my husband its painful and uncomfortable- my body cries out in protest.

I think like you, I'll probably stay with him because of our daughter. But sometimes I just dont know how long I can carry on. Does your husband react when you make excuses, does he get upset?

He accepts it as he thinks it is mainly because of the illness I have (gynae type thingy). However, I feel like shit cos I know that if it was someone else, I'd give it a try.

I have had a couple of kisses with OM who were friends and it showed me i still have a lot of desire, but the man's got to be right!

I don't blame you for what you did.

i was in a similar situation, although there were other issues in our relationship.
We tried very hard to keep the relationship going but ultimately not having that intimacy started to become a real problem between us and in the end we split up. It was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life, we have a small ds together and we really wanted to make it work for his sake. When we talked about it we realised neither of thought it was fair to the other to live like this and accepted that eventually one (or most likely both) of us would be unfaithful and that would cause far more hurt.

It is worth fighting for, i'm so glad that we worked hard at our relationship before deciding to go our seperate ways.
I hope you can sort this out.

iunderstandm, if you don't mind me asking what is the illness you have? it's just I also have a "gynae type thing" that really affects my sex life too

This may sound harsh - I don't mean it to I do sympathise with you however I think you need to be fair to him and leave tbh he deserves someone who really loves him passionately (as do you) maybe you could talk and agree to a mutual seperation, yes to start with he may be hurt but imagine if you do manage to carry on like this for the next 20 years but once your dd is grown up you decide to go and make yourself happy, he's going to be even more gutted you dragged it out and didn't even give him the chance/ option to know the reality and to move on to find true happiness (he may be happy to carry on for as long as you can even with the knowledge you don't fancy him)

I think it's easy to stay, its hard to start again to explain to your dd when she is older etc etc but you need to consider what is fair and staying with someone you are not passionate about is unfair imo.

LoveMyGirls.......ex and i agreed on that point, that we both deserved to be in a relationship with mutual passion. No-one could understand why we split, we seemed so happy together. After we seperated we realised we are best friends, but there is just no passion there.
We're both now in new relationships and very happy with our new partners.
I still have moments where i find it incredibly hard that my son doesn't get to be with us both everyday, it tears me up inside.....but ultimately we are all much happier for not living in a household together where there was starting to be a cold atmosphere growing. My friendship with my ex has strengthened since the split.....i think if we'd tried to make it work for any longer we could have lost that friendship altogether and ended up still separating but hating each other too.
It took months of soul-searching to come to our decision. In three years we went through some very emotional experiences (birth of son, loss of very dear loved ones) and i think it was a time (after 14 years together) where we realised life was too short to live it in a state of unhappiness.

I'm sort of in the same situation. I love my DP totally and utterly and can't imagine life without him. I don't really fancy him though, don't think I ever really have. We've been together 15 years, the first few years our sex life was wonderful. When we have sex its still wonderful - its just that I don't want it with him that ofter (twice a month if we're lucky).

I know he still fancies me (god know why!) and love me.

I can't imagine us breaking up over this though, he's my best friend, we make a great team.