Equity split

[itsanothernamechangeone]

If this story sounds slightly familiar it’s because I posted a couple of years ago and got some good advice, but ultimately decided to stay and ended up pregnant with a third baby… I know, I know.

In 2022 DH had a long term condition diagnosed, and quit his job to start his own business. Since then, he has contributed £500 to our joint account and spent almost all of our savings along with a loan from the ILs, which was converted to a gift (this was a previous worry of mine, being liable for this loan - that is off the table now). I almost left end of 2023, but decided to give it one more chance as aside from finances things were improving. I fell pregnant. Made the decision to go ahead with it, so I now have 3 children.

I don’t see the business making a profit anytime soon, if at all. I earn just over £50k a year, but we live in Greater London, mortgage payments have reached £2k with rate rises and we cannot keep going for much longer.

His parents have offered to help contribute to the mortgage for 6 months from September. I see this as a terrible idea because it just kicks the can down the road, and also gives me the ick. Mummy and daddy paying the mortgage.

Suggestions of getting a job don’t go down well. He just needs a bit longer apparently. I fear this is going to lead to the end of the marriage, as I am just so sick of living like this, so I am trying to get my ducks in a row.

His suggestion instead is that we move away from my work/support network, buy somewhere rural with no mortgage and I find remote work to cover bills and he continues with his business in the hope it one day makes money. This is not what I want to do.

I feel the relationship could be salvageable if he starts contributing to the finances.

I am obviously an ok earner, but £50k doesn’t go far these days. We do have £400k of equity. I was working on the assumption I’d get £200k (50%) but have suddenly worried that because I earn more, I might get less. Does anyone have any experience of what happens in this case? It could be argued by him that he needs more equity because he doesn’t earn anything, but I’d argue this is by choice. I worry about how he would live, but I guess this is not really my concern.

I really need the full £200k to have any chance of buying a 3 bed flat around here (needed as 2 of one sex, one of the other, plus me). Prices are £400k plus so would need a big mortgage too.

Any ideas of what might be accepted? Pensions are broadly comparable so likely to leave those alone.

A lot will depend on how often you have the dc, who will be the resident parent. If that’s you, you may find you’re entitled to more than 50%. But 50% is the starting point. Is his business legal, des he fill out tax returns etc? I’m asking as you can prove he has an income.

Also remember that any pensions will go into the pot, so if you have a good workplace pension and he doesn’t, this may impact the % you take away from the house equity.

He does tax returns. Currently operating at a loss.

He has previously stated he’d want 50:50 however I imagine in practice that wouldn’t happen as he “doesn’t do nights” and the baby doesn’t sleep.

Pensions have around £35k each, as he previously earned more than me. So I envisage they’d be left alone

Hopeful bump

I just wanted to say this sounds like a hard road that you’ve been down and he doesn’t seem to have seen any light whatsoever. Do you still love him??

you say the larriage could be salvageable if he starts contributing- why is he so hell bent on this business- why does he think it will begin making money soon? Does he have a financial advisor? You could initiate contact with one because A third party coming in and looking at his financial structure might open his eyes to how much this is not working or profitable. It sounds shambolic as a business and really he shouldn’t need to be borrowing money all over the place because there should be some sort of financial plan that sets out profit and expenses etc! A financial advisor might point that out and it may be better coming from you.

as for the split I think you could also argue you have provided all the financial support whilst he has set up this business.

lots of luck to you op x

Thanks @babyproblems
He does not have a financial advisor. No idea why he thinks it’s going to work. He really doesn’t want to work “in a meaningless” job again and feels this is the only way to avoid that.

I still care about him and I’m terrified that being alone will be worse than together. But I don’t really respect him any more. We do still have some good times together, but the financial pressure is really getting to me.