Apps - ghosting before you’ve even met

[FallenFigs]

I just need a little vent - won’t be the first, or last.

what is it with people (men) ghosting? Exchanged a few messages with a guy. He’d asked me for a drink, there was a little back and forth about a day. I messaged this morning to suggest a time, and boom, he’s deleted the chat.

seriously? Is it really too much to say, actually, plans have changed/I met someone in person at the weekend and want to pursue that/my cat is ill/whatever. I’ve not even met the guy. He was more forward than me, a tad, but I had no investment in the outcome.

It’s just rude, and does you leave a bit deflated after putting a little effort in. It also lowers the bar for everyone!

At least you didn’t waste too much time on the loser.

I know but try and not take it personally, my I’m no longer OLD but when I did I lost count of how many chats were almost a date but never actually happened because either they flaked or I changed my mind (always let them know though), chat died out etc, never get excited unless a time and date is set.

Pretty much the norm for online dating, everyone’s chatting to others and keeping their options open. People vanish all the time. Some men also only join when they have fallen out with their partner to seek some attention, then they get back with their partner and ‘boom’ they have gone. Don’t take it personally, online dating is a complete shit show.

It happens. And it’s not just men that do it! I’ve had an evening conversation ending ‘talk tomorrow xx’ and found I’d been blocked in the morning….
Online seems to make it so easy for some people to just be rude. It’s not for the thin-skinned!

I haven’t taken it personally, but it is a waste of everyone’s time. I have this one quite a chance too - his chat wasn’t the most thrilling….thing is, if you’re too ruthless at the chat stage there’d never be ANY dates.

such a low bar.

That’s not great, but it’s not really ghosting which is far crueler. Ghosting is more when you’re actually in an established relationship and they disappear! It’s awful but absolutely standard atm.

tbf whilst I would have sent a text from him in your situation, before you’ve even met I would advise not getting hung up at all!

It's standard for OLD. Then they forget and contact you again with all the same patter🙄.

Would you really find it less disheartening if he wrote "Sorry, I'm concentrating on someone else now"? If I was the one writing to end a conversation, I'd assume the other person would find that quite harsh.
I reckon some people find the whole thing so awkward, and are so uncomfortable about what to say and how to phrase it, that they'd rather ghost and have a stranger think they were rude.

This is a good point.

sometimes when you’re chatting on text it can become very clear you’re not going to be compatible, whilst there is nothing ‘wrong’ with either of you, just not on the same page.
I’ve often made the mistake of thinking it’s a mutual understanding to fizzle out, but then they come back and I realise it wasn’t mutual!

I do think its far more straightforward to give some context. I genuinely would have had no problem if he’d have said, actually I’ve reflected and I don’t think this is the right match for me or whatever.

Mind you, I say that from the position of not being massively sure about him. I felt I was lowering my standards a little in the first place. Hence why it was a little a waste of my time. Perhaps he had picked up on my slight indifference 😂

I think my general point is, it’s just poor form. If you start a convo with someone at least have the maturity to be direct if you decide to end it.