Narc ex refusing to pay more than 50/50 for house repairs

[StrawberryBlon]

Hello
I wonder if anyone here has had this experience, and/or could offer some advice/strategy.

My narcissistic ex, with whom I still share a house for financial reasons, is refusing to pay more than 50/50 for house repairs, even tho he earns nearly six figures and approx 5 times what I do. I have tried to get him to pay proportionally to our incomes, but he is refusing ‘because he will only get 50% back on the sale of the house’. Is there a legal argument I could use to persuade him to pay something more proportionally fair? It’s not a thing, right, that because the house is a joint asset I have to pay 50% despite earning 20% of what he does? We have two young children who live in this house. I feel like if I agree to his terms (and he wants to put them in legally binding form) then I’ll be either paying WAY more than I can afford to keep the roof over my kids’ heads in good repair, or not have the roof repaired.

Any help appreciated.

Thanks

You need legal advice. Citizen's Advice is free.

Lots of variables. We're you married? Did you divorce? Who pays the mortgage etc? Legally, he may well be correct. It would be normal to sell the house, split the money however a court agrees, and claim child maintenance tbh.

I don’t think he should . It’s not a marriage by the sounds of it so yes it’s 50/50 . Assuming you expect to get 50% out the house when it sells.

How much have you agreed as a settlement in your divorce? If I was him I wouldn’t be paying more either …..

Hmm, I can see both your points actually.

It seems unfair to split it 50/50 when he earns 5 times than you, but equally, he's right that when the house is sold, I assume you will get half.

How are the rest of the bills split? Are they proportional, or 50/50?

I think that paying proportionally is something that you do when you're in a relationship and working as a team for each other's benefit.

You now have a basic business relationship and the house is a shared asset to maintain. If you can't afford to maintain the home, you could discuss selling it or him buying you out, or seek a forced sale if he won't agree.

His earnings are irrelevant here. Who is paying what in and who expects to get what out of the house? What is the exit plan and have you agreed the split with a solicitor? Are the repairs necessary or discretionary?

Agree with Mrs sunshine.

Of course he shouldn’t be paying more. Will he get a bigger share? Of course not

Would you accept a similarly proportional split of the equity in his favour?

When former DH and I split up we agreed he would get half of the equity that was in the house at the point of separation, and I took over all mortgage costs and repairs from that point as I was keeping the house.

If we were selling it, then I would have expected 50/50 on mortgage and necessary repairs to maintain it in the same state, until sold and then split the equity 50/50.

He's not obliged to cover part of your share just because he earns more, unless you're happy for him to have a higher slice of equity.

In all fairness why would he pay more towards a house he doesn't live in and when it's sold he won't gain back money he has put in. I am assuming he no longer lives in the house.

You’re no longer on a relationship so there’s no reason for him to want to put more in than he’ll get out. I don’t think you should be making such a major purchase together and I don’t think you should be living together any longer as this issue will arise again and again. What happens if the boiler breaks or you need a new fridge freezer? The most sensible course of action is to split up and sell the property or one buys the other out.

If you are both going separate ways after selling then why bother about repairs? Just let bidders know that the work needs doing and wait for the bids. That way you both pay nothing but may (or may not) see a reduction from the desired selling price. If the reductions arrive much greater than the cost of the work (you need quotes) then maybe he'll see that doing the work is in his favour even if he did pay more than 50%.

You're being unreasonable to expect more than 50/50. You're not in a relationship anymore.

Some further context. We are married. I was made redundant last year and have only freelance income. I cannot afford to move anywhere locally on my income, even to rent. The bills are split proportionally, tho he instigated separation proceedings late last year when I asked for him to pay a higher percentage because my income had dropped substantially.

The house may not be split 50/50 as he owns 29% of a £4.1m business.

If there are children living in the home and by not having the repairs done this may impact on them , why wouldnt a parent who significantly earns more pay what is affordable for them. I really don't understand this 50/50 when children are involved and there are vast differences in earnings. Why are women who often have taken a lower paid job/ worked part time to enable family life to work for the family unit , painted as money grabbing for wanting their kids to continue to have a relatively similar standard of living in both homes or being compensated for the career sacrifices they have made as well as the unpaid labour.

If they are absolutely urgent then suggest he pays and the cost will be taken into consideration when the divorce finances are agreed.

It sounds like the situation has got increasingly abusive.

OP, you need to get a solicitor engaged and get moving on a clean break financial split. Otherwise you are both just operating in the dark and this will just become increasingly toxic and stressful.

I think if you have already split assets in a financial settlement he's not required (and shouldn't be expected) to pay more than 50%, for the reasons he states.

Your financial situations are no longer linked, so your realtive earnings are irrelevant.