Will my feelings change?

[neversure123]

Looking for advice about OLD. Met a man been on one date, ticks all the boxes really. He said he’d like to see me again. He’s nice and if he was someone else’s partner I would think he was lovely. But I have absolutely no feelings, no spark - nothing.

I’m older - nearly 60. Can anyone tell me about experiences where this has happened but your feelings have grown. I would love to meet someone.

thank you

I have had intense feelings that evaporated to nothing once I got to know them, and I have grown to like and appreciate someone with time and circumstances however I had to initially be at least neutral about them. If they are absolutely unattractive to me, no matter how wonderful his personality is I just won't fancy him that way.
I don't think initial sparks are necessarily mutual or indicative of an ever lasting and successful romance.

What are you looking for? If it's for a short term fling or a relationship where you lead your own lives and meet up once or twice a week then I guess appearance and sparks matter more there than trying to build a family and a home with someone 'sensible'. If your finances and homes will remain separate, you can afford to be more shallow I think (no offence).

Give it a few more dates.

I remember meeting a guy doing on OLD, the perfect man. We chatted until the coffee shop closed (it was back in 2021 when there were still restrictions). He was the sort of guy your parents would approve of, good job, well educated, handsome, sporty (played both rugby and cricket), polite, a true gentleman. In fact he was my ideal man.

No spark 🤷‍♀️.

My best friend told me off when I told him that I had let him go, told me I was a fool to let someone like that go.

We kept meeting up as friends though, all of a sudden the spark appeared and bam. I remember seeing him check me out as I walked off to the loo, then as we said goodbye he hugged me for ages. I was smitten, think he caught feelings too. He moved closer to me at one point and said now I'm nearer we can see each other more.

We carried this on for a few more months just dancing around our feelings until one night we just gave in.

Sadly it didn't go anywhere, timing was all wrong (he was in the middle of a messy divorce).

I don't know where this idea of a spark as meaning they are the one comes from but it's not reality.

I've known friends for ages that developed into a long term loving relationships. I've also known veritable firework displays that were just days long.

If you like him, get to know him. Dropping someone who seems good but no spark is not giving it a chance. You don't know the man, there might be all sorts of reasons why you didn't feel it straight away, not because of some superpower instinct we don't really have.

I’d give it a few more dates. The main loves of my life have always been slow burners- friendship first then chemistry did develop with all of them. I’ve also had platonic connections with men that didn’t go anywhere. There’s no shame in giving it a bit of time then saying he’s not for you.

I think OLD has led to a 'disposable' culture in dating. The thinking that if you don't immediately get the thunderbolts, violins and fireworks it isn't worth pursuing.
I've mentioned on another thread how I almost dumped my DP after a few dates. A friend persuaded me to give him a chance for which I thank my lucky stars. He's shy and just needed a bit more time.
We've lived together for 5 years and he is just the love of my life.
I'm not talking about flogging a dead horse or ignoring red flags. Just give people a fair go.

I'd give it a few more dates.
I almost stopped bothering with OLD as I realised I'd never fancied anyone on first or even second meetings, so couldn't see how it would ever work for me. I changed my approach/thinking a bit, had a first meeting with someone nice who ticked all the 'sensible' boxes but I definitely didn't feel attracted to. By the end of the third date I was totally ready for a snog! Two months in now and I'm pretty surprised at how well it's going.

is he someone you’d want as a friend? If so then see each other, be friends. See how it goes