No support

[Chellyp]

My partner’s mum is quite ill in hospital. She is remaining positive. The people around us are selfish. His siblings had a fall out last year and one of them is blaming the other for the mother’s ill health. Another friend pretended they were concerned and asked how the mother was to then ask to borrow money. Another friend keep moaning about anti social behaviour happening next door to their property even though they don’t live there. Another friend used it as a time to talk about their ex who they never moved on from partner’s father who was unwell months ago.

I just don’t get people. Why do they think this is their turn to make it all about them and their minor problems. They are so selfish as we don’t have time to respond about nonsense when we need to focus on his mother. I have just told the one with the anti social behaviour to find someone else to talk to about it as I need to focus on my partner. He’s is quite selfish and moans about this anti social behaviour on a daily basis instead of just selling the property. The police have even said they won’t sort it.

Just wish people were more considerate during a serious time like this.

It’s not that at all. The mother is a very considerate and kind person. It’s just these hanger oners can’t bear for the attention to not be on them for 5 minutes.

You can continue set your own boundaries much like you have done and choose who or what you will spend your time , energy or money on on any given day. Feel no guilt for prioritizing this way. Keep some energy back in the tank for yourself and for the next day by being mindful of how much certain situations require. Approach the other requests consistently and stick by them. "I am focusing on X at the moment". No apology , no acknowledgment of their want just a statement of your own personal need on this occasion.

@Chellyp my MIL is very ill too. It is very tough. To be honest though my MIL’s health has been poor a long time so we prioritise spending nice time with her and just being with her. She is in hospital so there are multiple visits and advocacy and laundry.

There really isn’t much else to it, you cannot fix another person’s poor health. I’m not sure why you are so caught up with criticising other people here just focus on yourself and your family and what you are doing. You seem very invested in how other people should be, they have their own lives that brings their own issues.

Yes but why can’t they just leave us alone instead of dumping their baggage on us when we have enough stress. I know they all have other people in their support network so they should go to them for now.

What do you mean they are coming to you?

It just sounds like people have spoken to you in conversation and you are feeling like you have to “fix” something when they say stuff to you. You don’t.

Just because someone says something to you doesn’t mean you have to do anything with it. I’m sure you are mentioning your difficulties with your MIL to them too but you don’t expect them to fix that for you.