Keen or love bombing in early dating?

[Holibobby]

I met a guy OLD just over a month ago. Had really great dates, always come away smiling. He’s acted like a real gent, taking me for nice dinners, took me to a concert, always holding doors open etc. In between dates there has not been lots of messaging, just the odd message or two (which has been nice).

We’ve been on 7 dates so far and on date no.6 we slept together. He is a couple years younger (31) and 6months ago he came out of a relationship he’s been in since he was a teenager - he said she wasent happy anymore and left and started divorce.

I feel like he is lovely and genuine but I’m also super wary! I’ve been love bombed a lot in the past, and after counselling and lots of self development I want to say I am hyper aware of it now. Last time we seen each other he was talking about his dad and his dad said ‘you know your new girlfriend…’ - Felt like a red flag as that’s happened lots in the past - we’ve not even spoke about relationship etc.

Hes gone away on holiday and since he’s been away the messages have ramped up loads. He’s started sending lots of voice notes and videos anf his friend who he’s on holiday with is also joining in on voice notes.

Couple of days ago he messaged to say he’s sent a gift in the post and he had sent an expensive bottle of champagne (he’s very generous with his money on these dates) to congratulate an achievement I had made last week. Now he’s mentioning about getting my little girl a present from his holiday.

He’s not talked about the future or anything like that - which I like as I do not want to rush into anything quickly. He is literally ticking every box at the moment and is occupying a lot of space in my head but I’m so over cautious. I think he can sense that as I take much longer to respond (not in a game playing way but in a cautious - I don’t want to build something so fast way). There is a time difference with where he is so he’s not in constant contact but he’s really ramped it up in messaging.

On the last voice note I’ve just had, he’s in a bar and has just told me he misses me - its only been just over a month - I am completley out of the loop with dating but starting to feel wary.

Oh no. You have a child.

op please say you haven’t introduced yet?

he sounds a bit…. Weird

His dad calling you his girlfriend wouldn't be a major issue for me, probably just easier for his dad to refer to you, might have forgotten your name?

Its been a month and you've been on 7 dates, thats nearly 2 a week, some would say quite intense to start with? Maybe hes read the signs wrong. But have you told him your thoughts? Or reservations.

Sounds very OTT for 4 weeks.

However from my experience, love bombers tend to have lots of short relationships. Not one from a teenager until early thirties.
If he's only had 1 long term partner then he'll be out of the loop of modern dating. In modern dating you quickly lose sight of romance and enjoying the honeymoon period and butterflies because you know that shit can end overnight. You become cynical and jaded. However he hasn't had that experience so he'll be in the traditional excited stage of meeting someone. In theory this should be normal. Before online dating and dating apps were a thing, this was normal and you wouldn't question it. Because of apps and how dating goes these days, you don't get to experience the first flush of love anymore without psycho analysing of - is he a narcissist? Is he a love bomber? Is this a red flag?

Your right to be wary but if he really has come out a long term marriage and therefore has no saying experience then it's very possible that it's genuine.

However with that being said, 6 months out of a long marriage really isn't that long. I'd be wary that he's not just trying to fill the void in his life with you. If he's used to living a life in a partnership then he'll probably be quick to replace that. So rather than him being head over heels about you specifically, he could've been head over heels about anyone who was willing to date him and he was attracted too.

Food for thought.

Very very different from your thread last week where he’s getting drunk and saying his biggest fear is commitment

weird

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5329942-4-dates-in?reply=144102337

Last week this chap We were also talking about phobias and he said his biggest phobia is commitment and laughed said he was joking. Whereas on first date he said he was looking for a relationship.
Maybe I’m looking too much into it. He hasent messaged since last nights date and neither have I. Should I write it off or continue?

now it’s the love affair of the century

He's not even divorced yet. Get rid.

On your other thread you say he is divorced and that’s all gone through and concluded

what’s with the porkies OP?

The advice on the other thread is excellent, but I'm guessing a part of you didn't like it and you're treating us like chatGPT tweaking a few things and waiting to see if the output will be different. It honestly insults our intelligence and what's the point, it sounds like you just want someone to allay your fears and tell you what you want to hear!

I also think the Op wants this chap to be love bombing her and doing as above

when in the reality from the other thread last week…. He seems like a bit of a disinterested twat

This is the reason for this post - becuase of the shift in behaviour from the previous post - acting uninterested to completely changing it around.

Theres no porkies about divorce - I’ve said that on the other thread and on this one ? They split and started divorce 6months ago.

@Rumbley No I would not introduce my daughter to anybody unless we were in a long term commital relationships and I had no reservations about the person.

You don’t once mention on this thread that a week ago he was getting drunk and saying commitment was his worst fear and not messaging you

Well you have reservations about this chap

one month in
2 threads
1 about him getting pissed and being distant and disinterested and bragging
1 about him love bombing

end it

Other thread

He said the divorce all went through ok

@Rumbley Yeah he did say the divorce had gone through ok and on this thread I have just said he started divorce when they split up 6 months ago.

ok op

focus on that

Ouch. Ditch him.

Just tell him you'd like to take things slower.
You're just dating.
You might be his rebound.
If the red flags multiply ditch him.