Feel more like a comfort blanket than a partner

[AmIablanket]

DP and I have been dating three years. He recently moved in for a few months whilst moving house and a few things have happened that have made me question our relationship.

Firstly, DP has a couple of pets that moved in with him too. They’re fine - adorable in fact - however every time he’s away for work or his hobby he will always go on about how much he misses them. Never me. He’s actually been blunt and stated he doesn’t really miss me and misses his pets more.

A couple of times he has cut his trips short or decided to stay at mine, but always because he feels (or is worried he’ll feel) lonely. It makes me feel like a human comfort blanket. I feel like he’s telling me he wants to be with me out of fear of being alone. Not because he actually misses me.

Finally, a job came up quite a distance away that he was tempted by. He then rationalised to me how this would be a bad fit, because he was already moving house and he’d made that move to be near his parents (who live locally to me). Not me. I wasn’t even consulted or the effect on our relationship a consideration. When I raised how it might place a strain on us, he said “well we started as a long distance relationship, so what would be the problem?”

Thing is, if I did break up I know he’d be distraught. Early in our relationship we had an argument and he became convinced I was going to dump him - he had a full on panic attack at the thought. But even that it’s like… am I wrong to feel like he was more panicking about losing his comfort blanket than actually losing me? Has anyone been here before and offer any advice?

I will add that, whilst not diagnosed as autistic, DP is dyslexic and very likely more neurodivergent than officially diagnosed - so could that play a part?

How he would feel if you split isn't your problem.
Is this relationship enhancing your life? Do you feel loved and cherished?

He's not that into you, OP, sorry. You deserve someone much better than this. He had a panic attack because his life would change without his input, not because he would miss you.

“He’s actually been blunt and stated he doesn’t really miss me and misses his pets more.”

OP, enough said. Blow how “distraught “ he’d be if you were to split up: do you really want to be going out with someone who puts you behind his pets and his parents? You need to move on without him.

Has he been like this for the whole 3 years and you've only really noticed it lately? Or did he used to be into you as a person and your quirks and likes, but that's faded?

If the former, ditch him immediately. If the latter, have a serious talk with him about how things have declined and it puts your relationship at risk.

Agree that you're not responsible for his wellbeing if you break up. You're not his convenient support human.

He was probably distraught at the thought of change that he couldn’t control, not at losing you. Nothing here says that he sees you as a priority in his life.
I know all too well how it feels when everything else in a partners life is more important than me or a life together. It wont get better, he’s just not that into you.
Sorry if that sounds harsh but if he truly cared, you’d know that and you wouldn’t be left wondering where you fit into his life or plans. Move on without him.

It seems you've got the ick, no ties. The advantage of a LDR is that you can get rid of him in the time it takes to send a 30 second message.

I'd keep things very neutral and grey rock, don't give him a way back in.

I wouldn't open the door to negotiation as I suspect he'll panic and make all sorts of promises so he can get his convenient support human back. You'll get promised a trip to Paris then back to business as usual.

There are a lot of people - can be men or female friends or employers who use others as their workhorse or comfort blanket then go absolutely apeshit at the prospect of losing them. But it's not the relationship they miss, its the services. They want a partner, they don't want to be one.

Point him towards a cat/dog/gecko sitting service. And maybe a registered therapist.

You're not getting these feelings for no reason.
If only we all listened to them then none of us would be on here, myself included.
Don't ignore them - they are telling you something.

Only really noticed in the last year. Things have been, admittedly, been stressful for him at work.

We’re not long distance anymore - only when we started. I think I just imagined us being closer might have been a factor in him wanting to move closer in the first place. But if I’m to take him at his word, apparently not.