Should I ask for a trial separation?

[ByFastAzureLeader]

My husband and I have a 6-month-old baby. Since her birth (which was traumatic for me), I’ve been struggling to recover physically and emotionally. Our relationship has become increasingly strained—especially around intimacy, parenting decisions, and emotional safety.

He’s screamed in my face he wanted to kill himself during a recent argument where he punched the wall above our baby. Afterward, instead of apologising, he tried to justify why he got to that point. He did go to the doctor and get on medication immediately and we've since started family therapy.

Then more recently I caught him on the baby monitor vaping whilst holding the baby for a nap. I told him to leave for the weekend. It felt like a huge violation of trust and basic care.

He says he’s sorry, but I feel emotionally shut down. I’m considering asking for a trial separation, but I’m torn—part of me still wants our family to work as everyone does. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did separation help you see things more clearly?

I think you're seeing things very clearly already. Punching the wall just above your baby is actually VERY concerning and I'd consider this man a danger. Permanent separation is the only route I'd be going down.

I remember your other thread. I think its safer to separate and let him decide, affirmatively, to do the work necessary to grow up and become worthy of you and the baby. He can do that if he wants. You don’t need couples therapy. If anyone needs therapy it is he who needs individual therapy. But that ship has sailed.

Yes, you can call it a trial separation, but once he's out keep him out. This needs to be over. He is not stable or safe to be around you and a baby. You can have a peaceful life without all this shit. That is not too much to ask for!

I remember your last post, you don’t need a trial separation you need a permanent one. The first time he punched a wall over my baby would be the last time he got anywhere near my baby, and I don’t have an issue in general with vaping but doing it even in the same house as a baby, nevermind literally holding a baby, while they sleep presumably on your chest so what, 20cm from your mouth? Big fat no.

Your baby isn’t old enough to protect herself, she needs you to do it for her. If you can’t end things for yourself then do it for your child, she deserves better.

You've enough on your plate with a new born baby. It can be a very stressful time and your body has been through a lot. Tell him to step snd support you or get out. Good luck. X

Get rid. Dont “ask” - tell him its a separation

I think you should report his abusive behaviour to the police and to social services. He’s not safe to be around you or your baby and you need to have evidence you reported his behaviour so he doesn’t get unsupervised access to your child when you split, which you absolutely should. You need a record of his violent behaviour and of him vaping near the baby. Take pics of the damage he did to the wall.

How can you subject your baby to him? Do you think it’s unaware of this toxic strife? Its poor little brain is being wired with anxiety and fear every day.