Sex and pregnancy

[Ejs890011]

Hi everyone,
I am 30 weeks pregnant, all day today my husband has been constantly saying sexual comments to me and I have just ignored him.
then he has asked me at least 4 times today if I want sex, I say no thank you I am not in the mood.

he says I understand but then the last time he says it he ends up sulking going quiet and not talking to me. This is not the first time this has happened.

he always says we only have sex when I want it, but I don’t think I am being unfair as more hormones are everywhere, plus I have said to him if he isn’t in the mood he can say no I won’t sulk and act like a child.
what should I do? Sometimes I feel pressured to have sex just so I can have a normal husband!

Also, it worries me as after the babies born we will not be having sex for weeks and I can’t be dealing with this attitude when we have a little one to look after.

we always have sex at least once a week during this pregnancy to me I think that is pretty good. But it never seems good enough for him

he always says we only have sex when I want it

Well yes. That's generally how consent works.

he always says we only have sex when I want it

Well, yeah. Because having sex with someone who doesn't want it is illegal. You are describing sexual and emotional abuse, OP.

Sometimes I feel pressured to have sex just so I can have a normal husband!

This is not OK. Are you aware that abuse often escalates during pregnancy, when the abuser senses you are more vulnerable? Do you have anyone in real life you can speak with about this?

Having mismatched sex drives can be frustrating for both parties. But it needs empathy on both sides. He shouldn’t act cold towards you if you don’t want to have sex. It’s immature and it’s not going to foster closeness which is the point of sex. If he is just looking for a release he should have a wank.

Ive been where you are, going through pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing. It really affects your libido. My H was very understanding and never made me feel bad. Now the tables have turned and I have my drive back. His drive is now lower than mine after years of accepting very little physical intimacy. I have empathy for how he felt for all those years. Wanting to be close to your partner, touch them, kiss them and feel desired by them and then being rejected hurts.

So I would be sensitive on how you reject his advances if you are really not feeling it and try to make compromises. For example you could cuddle him and let him touch you while he pleasures himself.

But considering you are pregnant and about to have a baby he should be extra patient. He needs to accept sex wont be the priority for the next year or two. That’s the reality of being parents. And in the big scheme of our lives it’s a sacrifice that is easy to make if you are a mature adult.

Ask him what on EARTH he means about thinking it would be a good thing to be having sex when you don't want it.

And advise him that sexual frequency is going to fluctuate in life and to get used to that idea.

Sorry that your feeling pressured op and your right to think if that’s how he is now when your pregnant what would he be like when you’ve just had a baby and sex would absolutely be the last thing on your mind ! I’m 22 weeks and I haven’t been in the mood or done anything with DP since 15 weeks and he hasn’t once commented on that or made me feel pressured. As it’s our second I presume he understands more now how much my hormones are up and down as is my sex drive so he doesn’t and never has pushed it on me which in turn actually makes me more inclined to want to have sex lol I think your DH needs to get used to the idea of the fact your pregnant and sometimes you simply will not be in the mood, you’re pregnant and your hormones are everywhere, maybe you have morning sickness and sore boobs all this contributes to low drive. Once you have your baby it will definitely be the last thing on your mind it took me 10 weeks before I did anything and DP didn’t once ask or make any comments about that so I think it’s a conversation you need to have with your DH. Please never feel pressured to do anything to satisfy his needs if it’s not what you want. 🫂