Trouble with partners daughter

[TheFunDog]

Had a bust-up with partners daughter.
She was very rude to me, with no apology.
Over a year now with no communication, which makes things difficult for my partner.
She took against me from when my partner and I met, but we've managed to get along to some degree.
I need advice on how to move this forward....if only for my partners sake.

Thanks

LTB

What did the daughter say to you?

A bit of context and elaboration re: said incident would be very useful OP

Why was she rude, what age was she, what happened and what did her dad do? We need more info.

i agree with LTB.

Not because he is a B, but because whatever age his daughter is, whatever the falling out was about, this will never resolve and even if things improve for a while the issue will always rear its ugly head again.

Bitter? Me? ……..

She swore at me via a ring doorbell not realising I would hear it.
She's mid 40's.....dad did nothing.... He doesn't know what to do.... I think he's scared of losing her so tolerates her bad behaviour...

Hardly a ‘bust up’ as you described or a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Certainly doesn’t justify no communication on your end - we all have bad days and I suspect she was having one of those. I’m absolutely certain that my adult DD privately expresses some frustration about me from time to time - it’s not the end of the world and especially when it comes to families is just human nature. You choose your battles.

At 40 she’s a grown adult with her own life, what exactly do you want your DH to do? Punish her like a child?! All quite bizarre OP. Sounds like you’d all be better off apart.

Sounds like you overreacted

Why is there no communication, exactly?

Are you refusing to talk to her without an apology? Is she refusing to talk to you?

It all sounds like a mountain has been made out of a molehill tbh.

If she didn’t know you could hear her, then she wasn’t swearing at you. You weren’t meant to hear so that in itself was not a bust up. Did something else happen? Because this sounds like you’ve blown it up into something bigger than it needed to be. But if she’s been consistently rude, was this the straw that broke the camel’s back perhaps?

Yes... Relationship been difficult for 30 years and I suppose I'd had enough.
At the time I was glad as I felt I was relieved of all the shenanigans from the previous years... My partner and I weren't too happy with each other at the time... But we're getting on better than ever now... His kids always been an issue with us, mainly cos he won't stand up to them... It sounds trivial but I can assure you it's big.... The daughter is a stickler for people doing the right thing but she hasn't in this instance.

Do you mean she was swearing while talking about you? How could she be swearing at you if she didn't know you were there? If you want to move forward, you could have an adult conversation with her and try and put it behind you for the sake of your partner. Otherwise, you can just not have contact with her and accept that your partner will have to make time to see her on his own.

If you want to move on then let what the daughter said go. You have probably said things about her at some point that you wouldn’t have wanted overheard.

You sound childish it's not a step children problem here

I find it hard to explain all that's gone on over 30 years... And maybe I did over react.
However I feel the non support and advice from you all has made me feel really sad and bad.
So thanks for that.
Now you can all get back to your perfect lives.

I hear you OP

The people replying haven't been through these thirty years though so it's hard to put themselves in your shoes.

I would say that with the ages of you all involved I can't believe that you're all holding grudges surely you're all old enough now to realise life is too short. It sounds like you're talking about a teenager not a 40+ year old woman.

We need more context about the doorbell incident. Was she swearing under her breath at you? If so I wouldn’t have said anything about it, I’ve done similar so many times and haven’t meant any harm by it, just letting out frustration. If you already know you don’t have a good relationship you knew it wasn’t going to make things better by bringing it up. I would have just pretended I couldn’t hear it.

It sounds as though she’s behaved really badly over the years but assuming you want to continue being with your partner, could you be the one to call a truce? I know that’s not the MN way! 😂

But a simple text or gesture of kindness to acknowledge it’s been very painful but you’d like to call a truce, life is too short etc.

She is a grown adult and so are you.

If you don't get on then it is perfectly fine for you to limit the time you spent together and get on with your life.

Assuming that blended family always will get on I think is a bit optimistic and naive.