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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To stay or not

2 replies

Mummyof2asd · 17/05/2025 20:01

Hi I have not been getting on with my husband for a while he put his hobbies first and will go most nights after work come home at 9pm turn round on his phone then go a bed. I’m a stay at home mum to two autistic daughters . When my husband comes in after work he doesn’t even acknowledge the kids I actually have to tell him to say hello to them . He lays in bed next to me on his phone his always so miserable and depressing and it’s not just me his like this with if we go to anyone’s house he just sits there on his phone and huffs and puffs . His terrroble with money and we are in a lot of debt . Recently found out he had an only fans account and sent picture of his thing to random women . I want to leave but I’m so scared of being a single mum with two autistic children they are really hard work, to be fair I feel like a single mum anyway as husband never here, but I’m still so scared . I don’t live near family and don’t drive but am going to learn. Feel like I got no confidence at all I’m so scared . All we do is argue we don’t have sex maybe once every 3 months his all for his friends talks to them so nice talks to me like shit tells me to fuck off constantly when I ask to talk about us . I feel so lonely in this marriage anyway but feel like if I leave I have let the kids down feel so trapped . Sorry don’t know what I’m hoping for here but feel so down . I rent and my daughters recently just got in a special school so don’t know how this will effect all that :(

OP posts:
Loubylie · 17/05/2025 20:06

Sounds like the marriage is over. He sounds horrible. I think you would be happier without him.

LemonLass · 17/05/2025 20:10

Hi @Mummyof2asd
That sounds a very lonely place to be.

How.old are the girls?

Do you have any support personally (friends and family)? Professionally? (Teaching Assistant or anyone at a local carers support group or local MIND. There may ne a local parents group for children with various SEN challenges. Find your tribe.

Speak to someone at a women's charity eg Womens Aid.

Apply for credit reports from Equifax, Clearscore etc. You will be "financially associated" with your OH. You need to know the full picture.

Is your house mortgage or rented. Who is on the deeds/mortgage/rental agreement? Most solicitors (in the UK) offer 30 min free consultation. Make an appointment and take a list of questions to make most of time. Yiu can always ask others here for advice of what would be helpful.

I know it is scary but you have ackjowledged you are already doing this alone. You dont need to be run down and bad mouthed by someone that should be there for you. Sadly, this person is not on your team x

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