Feeling anxious about husband’s trip

[Spriggan]

DH is heading on a weekend trip away with a group of friends, and normally I’m totally fine with this but this time I am feeling strangely anxious about it and I can’t even tell why. He’s been on these trips before and I never felt strange about it so I really don’t know what’s different this time.
He has been super stressed out with work in the last months and I have been a bit worried about his stress levels so I was initially happy to hear about the trip but now I’m starting to feel anxious. Please talk some sense into me because I really don’t want to add more tension to our home life. I’m a bit worn out myself so maybe it’s just exhaustion driving my anxiety, so please talk some sense into me.

Do you know where he’s going and who he’s going with? What could be causing your anxiety? If he’s been stressed with work then a break will be good for him - and it will give you chance to relax too as the stress can be ‘catching’ sometimes.

I don’t know all of the guys going but the person who organised the trip is his best friend, and yes I know where they are going.
Thank you. I keep telling myself that it will probably do him good to take a proper break

Is it that he’s been so stressed you are worried he will behave foolishly - women/booze/coke/boys/gambling/dangerous sports - in an effort to lift himself?
if so what’s your relationship like with his friend? Could you tactfully say ‘x is absolutely worn out, you will keep an eye on him won’t you’ That is probably enough to prompt a bit of caution.

God, don’t say anything to his friend! You’re not his mother and it seems weirdly controlling to wade in like that

are you concerned he will cheat on you or something? Because I’m not sure why it would make you anxious otherwise. Or are you the poster who often posts about her husband when he goes off on a trip?

A lot goes on on lads trips that doesn’t get spoken about, what are the group like? Sleazy laddy types?

I have never posted about my husband going on a trip because it’s never really bothered me before.
I don’t think the group is particularly “laddy” but I don’t know all of them so maybe that’s it.
Ive known his best friend for almost as long as I know my husband for and he’s more likely to drag him into a gay bar than into a strip club. (And no, I’m not concerned about my DH being gay before anyone brings it up).
I feel a bit better having posted because it makes me realise how unreasonable I am.

Maybe it’s a sign you are not feeling very connected and confident in your relationship at the moment?

Let him enjoy himself but check in with him when he is away. If his behaviour is what you would expect, regular contact, wanting to chat etc I’m sure it will put your mind at rest.

I’m a big believer that our gut feeling is usually our sixth sense kicking in, that picks on small tells of dishonesty that we are not consciously aware of. So it could be that you are picking up on this or that you are feeling insecure because your relationship is not as strong as you would like right now.

I don't understand why you should be worried all of a sudden if it was never a concern before? Did he ever cheat on you?

We had a bit of a rocky start when he was being very dishonest but that was a long time ago.

Well this will be it

I feel for you. Maybe there are old trust issues. I’d try and make some nice plans for yourself whilst he’s away xx

Put it out of your mind, and wave him off with a cheery bye bye, and have a peaceful time when he is gone. You can't change anything or control anything, so it is on him to behave. If he has "previous" for anything (whatever that might be, and there is a whole host of things that could be the case here) then a word that it won't be tolerated is always helpful so that it is front of mind, but generally, worrying is a completely pointless activity, and will just eat away at you, thinking the worst etc. when actually the worst they are doing is far less than your feverish imaginings. Some say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", I think I prefer, "out of sight, out of mind" but do try and stick to it. xx

Thank you all, you are right. I’ll try to put it aside and make some plans for myself