Leaving

[Teapottrouble]

I'm considering leaving my husband after 13 years.

I've recently gone back to work after 6 years as a SAHM (he wanted this). Now it looks like I may get the chance for a career (I gave up ti move across the country for him) things have turned rocky. He's hypocritical having problems with me but then doing the same thing himself.

I love him, and always will but I'm starting to think we aren't compatible anymore. Everything is always my fault. His favourite line is 'well I don't have a problem with you until you have a problem with me' then proceeds to complete belittle and say the most horrendous things about me.

I'm not innocent I know that. I have many faults. But surely not to the extent he says. Nothing is ever his fault and he can't take responsibility for anything.

I want to make it work for our DC but I'm fed up of not feeling supported. I don't even know how to move forward. We've been good for years until recently when I've gone back to work

Ask yourself what exactly you get out of the relationship and do you want to spend the rest of your life like this or with him. Life really is too short for nonsense, you deserve to be happy.

The thing is I've forgotten what it's like to be happy.

You're getting uppity and he's trying to keep you in your place. You're challenging his status now you're working and doing well.

He's showing contempt for you and I don't see any way forward. I'm wary about recommending counselling as he sounds emotionally abusive.

If that doesn't tell you what you need to do, nothing will.

He's feeling threatened that you have taken off your apron and come out of the kitchen - that would be my uneducated guess.
He doesn't know how to say that to you so he resorts to 'belligerent little boy' mode and tries to hurt you.
Maybe have an honest conversation with him, that you sense some hostility and did he want to talk about it. Set aside a quiet time together and try an open things up with him. In the meantime, if he is saying hurtful things to you, just simply state that you wont be spoken to like that as it is disrespectful, unhelpful and hurtful.
Lay some boundaries but if you want to save your marriage then you will both need to talk.
Well done on getting back out there following the most important job in the world.

LTB
He is not a trustworthy partner. Instead of supporting your growth as a petson in your own right, he's knocking you down.

Thank you all for your perspective. I needed to just air it out somewhere because during every argument it always comes down to it's all me and there's no reasoning

we’ve been good for years until recently when I’ve gone back to work

• *thats because you were doing what he wanted. Look what happens when you do something else for you …….. horrible selfish little man - there’s no point just YOU trying to make it work - he has to as well and he feels that’s accomplished by you doing what HE wants.

I think me going back to work has been a trigger. A few years ago before 2nd DC I wanted to apply for a job, it would have meant relocating 40 minutes away and he wouldn't even have a conversation about it. Just kept saying do what you want and went in a mood so I never even applied. Then when youngest was 2, I applied for a training course leading to a career, but he wouldn't have the DC so I could do the online interview and i had to cancel.

He wants to agree to disagree after last night's argument, I said how he makes me feel with the horrible things he says and the response was, well sometimes you just push me too far.

"Sometimes you just push me too far" - really? It's your fault then that he cannot be an adult and have a civilised discussion, talk about things that are important to you, support you in things you want to do.
What happens when you push him too far next time, or the time after that?

What he is saying then is that unless you do what he wants, in his way then he will become Mr Angry and you will only have yourself to blame.

Please do not listen to this nonsense!

This doesn't sound good at all, he sounds very controlling. Contact Refuge, their webchat is open until 6pm and ask them about your relationship. I'm sure there's a lot more and you can get advice.

probably because you are not at his beck and call anymore he’s lost all control and doesn’t like it