Boyfriend constantly wakes up with allergy symptoms in our bedroom

[Letssleeppeacefully]

So I’m honestly just getting fed up and need to vent or get advice.
My boyfriend seems to have some kind of allergic reaction only in our bedroom. About 2–3 nights a week he wakes up with a streaming nose and blowing his nose every few minutes. It always happens in the middle of the night and obviously wakes me up too. I’ve asked him to go to the bathroom to blow his nose instead of doing it right beside me, but I still get disturbed when he gets out of bed every few minutes.
I’ve suggested he take antihistamines before bed or even start trying to eliminate possible allergens in the room. But he refuses to try anything. It doesn't happen in any other room in the house or in any other house.
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t have a lot of sympathy anymore because he won’t help himself—and I’m the one losing sleep too.

To top it off, I have a skin condition that flares up sometimes at night due to heat/sweat/irritation. I've had this on and off for years since before we met. I have been for numerous tests, hospital appointments, dermatology referrals, even paid to go private and no one can give me a confirmed diagnosis. I have creams and tablets that I take to minimise the pain and impact. I always apologise if it disturbs him and do feel bad that it may disturb his sleep. He has always been sympathetic about this but now he throws it back at me like “Well, your itching keeps me up but I don’t complain,” and that I should be more understanding of his situation.
But the difference is—I’ve spent years trying to fix my issue and it is much better now than it was before I met him.
I’m just tired. Sleep is already hard to come by and we both need sleep to be able to function. Now we’re both irritable and snapping at each other over this.
Anyone dealt with something similar? Am I being unreasonable, what can I do?

Do you have a feather duvet or pillows? If so, get rid of them.

deep clean everything to try and get rid of dust mites. Use bedding that can be washed at 60 or 90.

put a sheet over the top of the bed and the pillows. Any pollen that settles at night will settle on this. Roll it up when you go to bed and wash it every day.

This is what my allergic DP does and it helps.

Does he get this year round?

sounds like hay fever to me

I was preparing to say you were being unreasonable because I have a terrible time with allergies, but then I read that he won't even take an antihistamine. I have no patience at all with people who won't try to help themselves.

Why won't he take anything for it?

Is there mould somewhere in the room? An air purifier might help.

So you both wake each other up

separate rooms?

My son was like that when I had feather cushions. It didn't matter if he was near them, as long as he was in the same room he would have a bad reaction.

Buy an air filter and a steam cleaner. Clean mattress, curtains with steam cleaner. Wash all linen at 60C.

I don’t understand the obsession for sleeping in the same bedroom. I sleep much better alone. Sleep is the one thing I won’t compromise on as it’s crucial to your mental health, mood and being productive at work.

So he's has a problem - but isn't prepared to do anything himself to solve it.

That must be both irritating and unattractive.

Is he like this with anything else? Does he need you to do all the thinking and planning? Do you have to hold his hand through anything else? Is he anti-antihistamines because it was your idea? Does he expect you to solve all his problems or is it just that this is a domestic one and therefore your job?

Oh, I had this when I first moved in with my now H. A new mattress fixed it. Dust mites, I think. It’s quite likely that you’re both reacting to them in your different ways.

Do some research on eliminating dust mites. Most of it is easy to do.

Does he get this anywhere else? Has he experienced this before? If it’s out of the blue and a new thing for him, I’d be trying to sort out the room to remove obvious allergens rather than getting cross with him (dust, feathers). It’s much better to try and remove the cause or at least to try to figure it out with elimination, than to just take antihistamines without knowing why.

https://www.allergyuk.org/resources/house-dust-mite-allergy-factsheet/

He could try a mild steroid nasal spray. I use one and it definitely helps.

Thanks for all your suggestions. I will look into air purifiers and steam cleaners. I thought it might be something to do with the duvet and pillows so I'm going to swap them and see if that helps.

He has taken antihistamines in the past for other things so not sure why he won't now. He just says they're useless. I agree that finding the cause is better than masking though.
The bed and mattress are new and were only bought 6 months or so before he moved in.
We are talking about sleeping separately due his working pattern anyway but it would be nice to come together on days off.

If you go down the antihistamine route, be careful as some ( like benedryl) can cause ED, as they restrict blood flow.

I would suggest trying to eliminate the cause, change the bedding, the washing tablets that you use or move any plants/flowers in the room. Open windows and get an air purifier.

This happens me because i have silent reflux

Good ideas here - I’m the same, very sniffly in the morning and my mattress and bed are all new. I’ve just bought new pillows, and I wash my bedding at 60. I’ve also started tumble drying bedding as I think it’s the drying it outside that’s an issue as the pollen lands on it (we have a lot of trees in our garden).

I have had house dust mite allergy for years and can relate to waking up streaming and constantly having to blow my nose. It's horrible. The only antihistamine that's worked for me is Fexofenadine, which I take at bedtime. I can't remember the last time I woke up snuffling and streaming.

Anti allergy mattress and pillow protector, regular thorough clean of the room. Including curtains, skirting boards etc.

If that doesn't help...what's in your creams, could he be allergic to them?

Strangely I am alergic to polyester/ nylon and rubber. I have to have Cotton sheets and feather pillons and duvet, otherwise I feel my skin crawling and I get very hot and sweaty I put a cotton protecter on mattress also. My sympathies to you

Could be dust, duvets are awful for dust. Best to get hypo allergenic ones if you have dust allergy. Bedrooms are most dusty as dust mites are more active at night and it is the dust mite poo that is what people are allergic to so with a dust allergy you need to hoover the bed/floor/head board a lot
Also could be washing powder for the sheets
Hay fever can peak at night if pollen has been blowing through the window or sheets dried outside
Any pets on the bed?

I have hay fever and dustmite allergies so have sympathy to anyone who also suffers. But he needs to take active steps. Fexofenadine antihistamine seems to work the best and is definitely worth trying ( only relatively recently available without prescription so I bet he hasn’t tried it)I also have an air purifier and no feather duvets or pillows and washing on 60 helps. I also don’t dry washing outside as that does catch pollen.