What is/was your relationship like post baby?

[HelloVeraPlant]

Curious. If you had children with your partner, how did it change your relationship after children - particularly during the baby phase. How long were you together for prior and how did you get your spark back?

Me and my partner were together 3 years prior, in our mid 30s now but we enjoyed eachother, went out lots, stayed in lots, had a nice social life. We are 18 months into parent hood and our relationship has definitely changed

• We are like the best of friends
• laugh a lot
• but have more to disagree on (minor things like routine and hairstyles for the baby)
• sexless
• forgotten how to be romantic

Your turn …

My husband & I have been together since we were young so we’d been together 10 years when our daughter was born last year. In lots of ways I think having the gift of all that time has been massively helpful for us both as a couple & becoming parents because we had 10 years of being selfish, dates, nights out, festivals, lots of holidays and weekends away etc just us two as well as with friends/as groups. We absolutely felt ready to press pause on those things to start a family because we had enjoyed it already for such a long time. We were and are I would say rock solid, we love each other, we respect each other, we still have a great relationship & sex life.

Having a baby has changed our relationship but I would say the main difference is obviously we have less time together as “us” & not “mum and dad” so our dates look different- in the house after bedtime rather than a restaurant/pub, our sex life I wouldn’t say has changed really other than it’s often more rushed than it used to be as with a 1 year old who’s a rubbish sleeper I never know when she might wake up and need something, we have to communicate a lot better & clearer than we used to which took some getting used to but I do think we know each other well enough that often we can know what the other needs. Postpartum for example I really couldn’t have expressed my needs in words, I wasn’t really sure myself what I needed, but my husband sort of knew and I was so grateful that he knew me well enough to do those things without having to ask because if he had asked me what I needed I honestly don’t think I would have known myself.

We do prioritise time together wherever we can though which makes a big difference I think, so once our daughter is in bed rather than both scrolling phones/watching TV we will spend that time together, we sort of steal time where we can!

I'm in a similar boat as you tbh. Your relationship kind of takes a backseat and your mum and dad role takes priority (which is as expected). I'm trying to get the spark back a bit as we still find each other attractive and love each other lots, but we don't have much sex and I think we could do with more hugs and kisses (we just forget sometimes!). But yeah, it's not always easy. I try to aim for 1 - 2 dates a month which is quite achievable but it's not quite where I want it to be.. x

@Mrsttcno1 I think your comment on communication hits home as perhaps that is something we need to do more of and over communicate. It’s lovely to read that he was so supportive postpartum.

@Cos100 we are planning our first date night. We’ve had the odd day alone where baby is in nursery and we’ve had no work commitments - but I also love the idea of “stealing time” together which @Mrsttcno1 mentioned as sometimes our default is to catch up on a show together, one person takes a nap or something.