Husband works away - is there hope?😢

[Kelly1999x]

Hi.
my husband is from Australia and he is here on spouse visa, 1 year left so he can only leave the uk for 90 days for the next year. He goes abroad to do seasonal farm work and has flipped that he can only go away for 90 days to work in a year. He is currently in europe working for 6 weeks. I feel so lonely with our 3 year old child. He says it’s fine for me I have a job I love here but he wants to do the farm work that he can’t do here only in summer and go to australia for couple months working ect. Not sure what the answer is. I can’t see an end in him wanting to work abroad, feel like a single mum past few weeks without him😢 he says im selfish and its all what I want, I don’t want to move from the uk I have a good job living in my mums second home so no mortgage and have a lot of support here. I feel for him but what is the answer? Spending months apart every year? 😢 I do love him but how will this work I feel like he resents me

Don’t ever ever go with him to Oz, you will never be able to leave with the child.

I agree he is selfish, he has a child and responsibilities. I think the minute he has right to remain he will leave you. Sorry OP. If he really cared he wouldn’t do this.

This is a ‘chuck him back’

But if he got what he wanted, he’d be travelling to work anyway: what he wants has nothing to do with making sure his child is parented, so I’d say you shouldn’t have had a child with me, but you do and that child is our greatest responsibility, and all you want is me to go along with your plans that don’t include parenting. Im going to do what means I have support parenting our child, and that means I can’t afford to support you.

Presumably a refugee can also be a married man? 🤣

So he’s essentially checked out of family life and is doing what he wants. I suspect when his travel restrictions are lifted, you won’t see this twat for dust.

He wants the financial stability and status of being married and a father but doesn’t want the responsibility.

How old is he OP? Sounds like he is young and still in the travelling period of his life. Regardless he has a wife and child now so he needs to man up and prioritise his family. He should have thought about that before settling down. It sounds like he may have married as a key into working arpund Europe , sorry 🙈😔

That's not fair on you or your child. 10 months away from you and his child isn't a relationship. He's learnt to be without you. That leaves the situation of him being footloose and fancy free. It also means an opening to get involved with someone else.

Doesn't sound bad to me. I think someone separation can be good for couples. Do you want him with you happy for 9 months of the year or with you 12 months miserable all the time. His work is seasonal, he follows the seasons surely. Isn't this a bit like complaining that your travelling salesman husband is away all the time, or your sailor husband is always away at sea.

It’s also why those professions have a high rate of divorce. I wouldn’t like to marry anybody who was a travelling salesman or a sailor because bit of experience tells me that men get lonely.
Appreciate women do too, but men are more likely to act up upon it

Men have affairs under their wives noses, so I don't really think him being away adds much to that worry. If he wants to cheat, he'll cheat, regardless of timezone.

I can't begin to describe how hurt I am. I really hope OP listens. He was supposed to only go for 2 or 3 years to pay off the mortgage. But he liked both the money and the lifestyle. It's a unique lifestyle full of masculine fun. I really thought he was different, that he fundamentally needed me. Indeed he was really confused when I filed for divorce. Despite telling me, graphically, how I no longer turned him on and that he didn't feel 'that' way about me he was horrified that I would divorce him. He told me I was still his best friend, the only person he could open up to, tell his heart truths to. I still find it hard to believe that any 'intelligent' human being could utter those words whilst admitting to sleeping around. There was I putting up with the drudgery of all the parenting task whilst he was off having fun, believing that we had some sort of future retirement plan. I feel such an idiot. Ugh. OP I've wasted 12 years of my life. Whilst my kids are my world if I could go back in time and talk to my old self I'd tell her to leave. Get out. Yes being a single parent is incredibly hard. But being a single parent whilst the other half is off galavanting around is just wasting time. I can't get those 12 years back and need to move on. But it's hard not to resent them. Though I don't resent my kids. And they are so incredibly supportive.

He might change his mind once DS is older and eg they can do stuff together also the grass is greener for him at the moment but that might wear thin.
As your life is pretty well sorted at the moment I would give it another ? year to decide what to do.
You would be pandering to his selfishness but for DS sake I would hang in a bit longer.

I assume by refugee you actually mean migrant? Like OP’s husband? 🙄