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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

No Contact

10 replies

Glinda31 · 15/05/2025 19:02

Hi all. I’ve just started no contact with a man that I adore. But he’s shit. He’s all talk. Says all of the right things but never actually does them and it’s always been the same. And whatever I say he just twists it all, so for my own sanity I have to cut contact. I just wondered if anyone had any tips? I’m partly writing this to get it out so I don’t message him. It’s so difficult. We’ve spoken everyday for 10 months. And I miss the funny, warm conversations.

OP posts:
FutureCatMum · 15/05/2025 19:17

It’s really difficult not to think about someone you care about, especially when they’re not good for you.
Write down all the reasons you shouldn’t be together. And if you’re tempted to message, read this again. Best of luck, it’s not easy but you won’t always feel like this.

NamechangeJunebaby · 15/05/2025 19:40

Type the messages you would usually send and then delete them. Or write a letter, freely expressing your frustrations too - and then burn it. Find nice things to occupy your time. It’s hard now but in a few months you’ll find you don’t think of him so often. Then eventually you’ll barely think of him.

Another ways just to pretend that he’s dead - grieve all you need to, and then you’ll find you can accept it and you no longer think about missing the contact.

It’s tough at the start but you’ll get there.

TheMathofLoveTriangles · 15/05/2025 20:08

I actually found ChatGPT very helpful. I basically told it some of the stuff that happened without identifying details and it gave what I think is pretty good advice. It also gave a good summary of his behaviour and why it was wrong and why it is okay to feel the way I do. It was validating after so much gaslighting

Original poster
Glinda31 · 15/05/2025 20:31

TheMathofLoveTriangles · 15/05/2025 20:08

I actually found ChatGPT very helpful. I basically told it some of the stuff that happened without identifying details and it gave what I think is pretty good advice. It also gave a good summary of his behaviour and why it was wrong and why it is okay to feel the way I do. It was validating after so much gaslighting

This is a great idea! Sometimes we really need to know that it’s gaslighting or manipulation, even though it hurts like hell.

OP posts:
Original poster
Glinda31 · 15/05/2025 20:31

NamechangeJunebaby · 15/05/2025 19:40

Type the messages you would usually send and then delete them. Or write a letter, freely expressing your frustrations too - and then burn it. Find nice things to occupy your time. It’s hard now but in a few months you’ll find you don’t think of him so often. Then eventually you’ll barely think of him.

Another ways just to pretend that he’s dead - grieve all you need to, and then you’ll find you can accept it and you no longer think about missing the contact.

It’s tough at the start but you’ll get there.

Edited

Great advice! Writing a burning feels like a very therapeutic thing to do!

OP posts:
Original poster
Glinda31 · 15/05/2025 20:33

FutureCatMum · 15/05/2025 19:17

It’s really difficult not to think about someone you care about, especially when they’re not good for you.
Write down all the reasons you shouldn’t be together. And if you’re tempted to message, read this again. Best of luck, it’s not easy but you won’t always feel like this.

I have this on my phone. It’s got about 30 bullet points. I still find it crazy how much I want him even though there’s so much not right and I mean REALLY not right.

OP posts:
FutureCatMum · 15/05/2025 20:36

It’s not the person necessarily you miss, your brain misses the attachment and the routine.
Try to create a new routine so you stay busy. It’s working for me. The attachment will take longer to break free from but it will happen.

Original poster
Glinda31 · 16/05/2025 13:05

FutureCatMum · 15/05/2025 20:36

It’s not the person necessarily you miss, your brain misses the attachment and the routine.
Try to create a new routine so you stay busy. It’s working for me. The attachment will take longer to break free from but it will happen.

Absolutely. I’ve just gotta stay strong. Break the patterns and addictive feeling.
ive moved house - so that’s a great new page!
thank you for replying. Really helps to talk it out!

OP posts:
ReacherOMGyes · 16/05/2025 13:23

I went though similar, I found ChatGPT brilliant and also had a journal open on the table that I'd just write everything down in anytime I felt angry or upset. Then underneath I'd write 'I DESERVE BETTER'

It's still difficult now but it definitely helped

Original poster
Glinda31 · 16/05/2025 13:24

ReacherOMGyes · 16/05/2025 13:23

I went though similar, I found ChatGPT brilliant and also had a journal open on the table that I'd just write everything down in anytime I felt angry or upset. Then underneath I'd write 'I DESERVE BETTER'

It's still difficult now but it definitely helped

Also a great idea to have a journal ready. To just get it out of my brain! He’s had way too much time in there.
thank you

OP posts:
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