Toxic, elderly parent house sale nightmare

[Username9898]

Hi all. I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or just some sympathy? A bit of background - my relationship with my mother has been toxic and abusive since childhood (she was a single parent alcholic with mental health issues). I haven’t had any contact in the last 5 years and it was sporadic before that.
Fast forward to now, she’s a care home with no capacity due to dementia. I have lasting POA and 50:50 ownership of her now empty house. I wish I didn’t have either.

I am trying to sell the house - council disregard on her care home fees ends in July. A damp survey has just revealed major issues and basically it’s going to have to be re advertised to cash only buyers as it’s un-mortgageable. I’m concerned that no one is ever going to buy it. She doesn’t have any cash reserves to pay when the disregard ends and the house is low value anyway (and getting lower by the day as the damp gets worse!) that I’m not sure the care home will consider it as collateral against fees.

I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. I have PTSD from my childhood, which I’ve managed since going no contact with her, but now I’m pulled right back into her mess and chaos and I’m overwhelmed. I just can’t see a way out of this situation.

It is priced to sell! Damp work will cost in the region of 10k to sort which isn’t happening. So unless I can get a cash buyer it’s not going anywhere. Fingers crossed I’ll find one…

Hang in there op.
Keep focusing on your cookery / bricklaying course.
you’ll get there

It’s currently on for ‘modern method of auction’ but maybe that needs changing to a regular one… I’ll speak to the estate agent when the full damp report comes in next week.

The house will sell at the right price, and I agree with you that as you have an interest in it selling it's probably best to keep the POA for now.

I considered revoking my POA for my mother because of the huge hassle with finances, she was not a good mother so I didn't feel I 'owed' her anything. But I am an only child and there was no one else could advocate for her so I grudgingly kept it, and used it for ten years. In some ways it did make things easier, despite the hassle.

You do not need to worry about what happens if she gets little money out of the house. If she cannot fund her care, the council will pay her care home fees.

Modern auction puts off a lot of people because it's just annoying. I'd tell them you want it listing in a proper auction.

How long has it been on the market?

To be fair @Soyfinger barely any time at all 🤦🏼‍♀️ I was properly catastrophising when I started this thread and I am very grateful for everyone’s kindness. It has properly pulled me back from the cliff edge.

How long is hardly any time?

And there’s a million other things as well - benefits overpaid with the DWP, electricity company debt….. I spend hours every week on the phone.

This sounds horrendous for you.

May I suggest that wherever possible, you get email addresses and use email instead of phoning? It means you can deal with things in your own time at your own pace, you automatically have records of conversations, and it is just quicker as no time spent on hold or re-explaining everything when you get passed on to someone else.

Also, there's no need to be too proactive. If your mum owes someone money, be it DWP or electricity company or anyone else, they will write a letter eventually. Let them get around to contacting you.

Just get the mail diverted from the empty house to your address, and bit by bit let all the organisations have your address as POA.

Sorry you’re in such a position. If it helps we’ve twice bought houses that were not mortgageable. We’re not property developers and each time just bought them to gut and live in, as a family house. So do put the house in a proper auction, the ‘modern’ version seems complicated and I think buyers have to put down a non refundable deposit.

My neighbours property sold by modern auction with a regular estate agent, it sold again 4 months later with an estate agent that is better known for auctions for an extra £40k. So worth looking at auction estate agents… think it was called bonde Wolfe or similar that made the additional £40k

I agree with the auction suggestions. I sold a partially built house like that after circumstances changed. It was straightforward. The auction house did all the work. Have a chat to your solicitor about it.

Well to the people who buy in a week

I had the same situation but with my dad. House was unmortgageable and was in an awful area but a developer snapped it up straight away. He got it at a lowish price but it was off my hands v quickly

Good luck and hugs OP, I know exactly what you're going through

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who posted on here. I was in such a panic in my OP and you’ve all really talked me down off the cliff! I need to wait for the full damp report to come though (Monday) and then just speak to the estate agent. I might get DH to do this so I don’t have a huge panic about it again. I think I have to stick with modern auction as I’ve signed a contract with the auction company but if it doesn’t sell I can go to regular auction. SOMEONE WIll buy it! And then I’m free and clear and can breathe a little for the first time in 35+ years!

Who did the damp report OP? I hope a proper surveyor not one of those free companies who diagnose and cure damp.

risibv damp is actually really uncommon.

just saying this to help, not scare you. Just make sure you are getting proper advice. I’ve heard of EAs who downplay value and then flog to their mates…..

@SquishyGloopyBum it was a proper damp surveyor. To be honest, if the estate agent has a mate who would buy it, they’d be welcome to it!! I am very open to offers 😂

I know it seems unsellable now and the damp is making you nervous but if it's just the damp course that's blown it can be fixed by the buyer. It will sell if it's at a reasonable price. Maybe you can get an EA who will aggressively market it? There are cash buyers around who may just want the land.

Or if it's too much you can say you cannot do it and leave it to social services to sort out

My DM was an old bitch and even though she had nothing to sell I resented clearing her flat.

It's so hard

It must seem overwhelming but this should be and easy sale at auction; if your husband can help with any of the paperwork then let him. Once the house has gone then you’ll have your half and then you can decide what to do about the POA.
If your mum is in a decent home then I’d scale back your involvement with her care and try to get a break from her demands.

Put it up for auction. We did this with my DF's place in similar circumstances. We didn't get anywhere like what it was worth had it been in first class condition, BUT we did get shot of it ASAP.