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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Desperately want to split

10 replies

Alysskea · 15/05/2025 08:39

I honestly don’t want to spend another second with my partner. She treats me like a housemaid and is verbally abusive.

my tasks: cooking, laundry, cleaning, getting up in the night with our toddler.

her tasks: saying what I’ve cooked isn’t good enough, complaining laundry not put away properly, complaining that it’s messy, criticising me for being tired and forgetful, talking about how I treat her ‘like shit’

Shes always had trouble with temper tantrums, but nowadays it’s just every day. Shouting and swearing at me. I think I could deal with it if she ever apologised but if I bring it up it becomes a conversation about how horrible I am, how useless I am. She cries and says I make her want to kill herself. My crimes are usually ‘not listening’ (about how exactly housework needs to be done and hour long monologues about her job), ‘taking my baby away’ (she prefers me because I don’t just sit and scroll on the sofa all day and actually play with her) and ‘bitching about me’ (messaging my mum in tears after she’s screamed at me for more than an hour).

the thing is I just don’t know what to do because I don’t think I can bear to do a timeshare with our toddler. I would miss her so much and worry she wasn’t being looked after. But we have equal rights to her. I would also have nowhere to live, have to give up my house. Probably have to give up my job too as I can’t afford childcare on one salary. We could stay at my mums but she lives in inner city London, nursery fees sky high and no places, so I’d have to live in my childhood bedroom and not work.

I don’t know what to do I’m just miserable here.

OP posts:
Alysskea · 15/05/2025 08:40

Oh and I can’t talk to my friends, mum or anyone because she checks all the messages on my phone to make sure I am not saying anything bad about her

OP posts:
Alysskea · 15/05/2025 08:52

Actually worst noting we can’t move to London really because my partner won’t live there

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 15/05/2025 09:17

Does she work? Has she seen a GP? She may have a mental health condition. Otherwise she's just abusive. How is she checking your phone? Lock your phone.
Get some legal advice.

QueenBakingBee · 15/05/2025 09:20

As the poster said above - as you are working check with your employer if they have an employee assistance helpline - usually this includes free legal and counselling advice - I know you are at the end of your rope, speaking to some professionals may help you think a little clearer.

BodenCardiganNot · 15/05/2025 09:20

She's abusive and your toddler is also being abused.
You have to get away from her. Contact Domestic abuse charities in your area and get help.

Alysskea · 25/05/2025 13:29

S0j0urn4r · 15/05/2025 09:17

Does she work? Has she seen a GP? She may have a mental health condition. Otherwise she's just abusive. How is she checking your phone? Lock your phone.
Get some legal advice.

Yes she does work. I think she does have a mental health condition as she is completely delusional. She thinks I’m evil, basically. But also has character flaws in that she’s very selfish and thinks she is always right.

OP posts:
Alysskea · 25/05/2025 13:30

I want to try to get out. I just wish I had more money to be honest. And she’s the legal parent of my daughter so I’m worried about having to share her.

re: my phone I did change the password after she looked the first time but this caused so much shouting I gave her the new one

OP posts:
Abatingnow · 30/08/2025 10:02

Is this a same sex relationship?

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 30/08/2025 10:17

She’s abusive. Please be careful when planning to leave, make sure you cover your tracks, close this app when you finish, turn off notifications etc so that she can’t see what you’re posting
or if anyone tags you.

Do you have any legal claim to your DD? Have you adopted her or do you consider her yours just because you’ve lived with her? I think you need proper legal advice on this one.

Ifitaintgotnoswing · 30/08/2025 10:23

I’d call woman's aid.
you need to leave

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