Feeling frustrated

[DisenchantedDewberry]

For context, I used to work outside of the house 30 hours a week in a secondary school. Would wake up at 7am, sort my 2 children out, then myself and be out of the house by 8am at the latest. As soon as I got home I would have to sort them a drink and snack, do the dishes, laundry, sweep, make dinner. I was knackered. My husband who works from home, didn't do any of this, wouldn't even put on a load of laundry or do the cat litter while I was out.
Flash forward to now, I had to resign to take care of my nanny who has since passed away and I couldn't balance my job, my kids and her needs. So I am now unemployed. I still do all of the household tasks, all of the cooking, pretty much everything you can think of. Husband got a promotion, works 9-5 at home, as soon as he's done and I've given him and the kids dinner he's falling asleep and then ends up having to go to bed. I end up waking him up around 8pm when of course I've already done one of my kids bedtimes. This is around 3/4 days out of the 5 working days.
I'm sick to my back teeth of it. I feel like I can't complain because I'm the one that isn't working, but it has always really been me doing all the things to keep our lives going, all the chores, all the appointments. I'm fucking sick of it. I feel like a mug. I'm applying for work again and just dreading when I get something that I'm back to working my arse off then coming home and keeping my house and family afloat and all he has to do is get up, do his work and worry about noone else. He's now gone and signed back up for distance uni and when i asked is he being realistic, I'm accused of not supporting him. I literally support him daily because if I didn't do anything who else would be doing it.

Adding to this he's mentioned a 3rd child. I always wanted one more. But not like this.

Unappreciated, really bloody lonely, fed up.

Well don’t have another DC with him.

Erm u do housework at weekends washing on a weds and pots evening after work. U take work hat of and put home hat on its not a 2nd job. If you need a cleaner get one every 2 weeks. Food wise kids eat a snack and tea when u have had your cuppa tea.

Always managed this on top of having 2 kids with adhd. Self kindness of you don't care for yourself who will

If i waited until the weekends to do housework my house would be more of a shambles than it is now. When I say noone else lifts a finger I literally mean it, they're all animals and no amount of me repeating house rules or asking them to pick shit up changes anything. But a full grown man should be helping run his own household regardless of what other responsibilities he has, if I have to do it why doesn't he?!

So hohw are you communicating about this with your husband?
I know, he should be aware of what it takes to run a household because he's a fully grown man. In an ideal situation you wouldn't need to have this conversation. But it's the same for most women.
So, how do you talk to him about the unfair division of labour?

He knows how it is. He doesn't do anything about it. He has 2 full bags of clean laundry upstairs that have been in our room in the way for nearly 2 weeks because I haven't given in and put them away. He begrudgingly does the dishes sometimes if he notices I'm pissed off. We've had conversations about all of it, regularly. And nothing changes. I'm made to feel unreasonable but he is unable to balance a fair equal marriage with his job and I'm expected to just roll over and deal with it.

He's currently still in bed asleep, will expect me to wake him like I'm his mother. I have to wake him in the morning too. The more I even speak about this the more upsetting it is, I feel like I'm just his free childcare/housemaid to enable him to do what he wants but when I want to do something or go somewhere I have to plan out what will happen with the kids or go out of my way to sort it so I don't end up doing anything at all.

Why are you still with him? If you divorced him would your life look better or worse?