Would your mom have done this?

[Ohisitjustme]

I remember a conversation we had with family friends. At one point, maybe age 6, one of their children had massive separation anxiety (I suppose) and the mother had to sit in school every day for months. Not in the class but in the lobby. (I don't know how the school allowed it, but they seemed to let her do it so...).

I am unable to relate to this on two counts. Firstly, that I would have missed my mom so much that I would have needed her to sit in school. And secondly, I don't think my mom would have done this (not a working outside the home mom in either instance).

It's made me feel a little sad, that this other mom and child had such a strong bond that the child needed her mom to be so close and that the mom was there for her child.

Any comments?
I do understand the situation was quite excessive and as an adult I wonder if something had happened. From what I remember of the conversation the mom was quite casual about it and spoke of it like dropping in to school with a forgotten water bottle - no big deal - and that the child got over this need after a while and they got back to a normal routine

I don’t think my mum would have but I went to school in the 80’s and I doubt they would have allowed it back then tbh

My mam worked full time throughout my childhood. She wouldn’t have done this, not just because she had to work - she just wasn’t the type.
The worst feeling was when I was a kid feeling overwhelmed and upset in school or when something was wrong/ I needed someone because I suppose in those circumstances little kids usually think of it and express it simply as: I want my mum/ dad. For me, I didn’t have this thought because my parents didn’t usually come and make things better. Instead I eventually learned to push these feelings down and try to find my own ways to cope/ feel better. Eventually I had a breakdown at sixteen.
Why wouldn’t you have wanted your mother in these circumstances?

That lady sounds like a really nice and understanding mum.

I think a mom would be best placed to understand her child’s obvious anxiety and decide the best approach to help. My mom wouldn’t have done it because she was pretty useless as a parent. But as a mother of a child with many and varied issues, I’ve had to do some things through the years that outside observers might consider fairly batshit!

My mum was the school receptionist so as an extremely anxious child it was nice knowing she was about.

I wouldn't have wanted her because I don't ever remember going to my parents to make things better. I remember her cuddling me after I fell down the stairs once, probably around the age of 3. And both my parents comforting me when my Nanny died when I was in my 20s.

My parents (mom especially) were not people I went to for support or comfort.

Oh how lovely for you!

I did this, although not school and not all day but my DS, when he was 4 was allocated a SEN placement in a nursery to help with the ECHP application process.
He has no communication skills except for myself, even DH had to ask me what DS was trying to say/convey.

So I stayed with him for the morning sessions for a term, slowly decreasing my time and distance until I was able to wait outside at a local bustop with a shelter. I used to take a flask of coffee and a crossword book and my waterproofs for winter but actually made friends with the regular bus users.

I don't think he ever made it a full day because his needs were/are so profound but it was good for him, a lot of work but worth it.

@LoveBecomesaHabit sorry you had a breakdown so young

Yes they are a lovely family

I’m not so sure it was such a strong bond as something else - the child should have had some therapy as it’s not normal. I’m incredibly close to my DD but I’d be very worried about her of this had ever happened. Sure it’s part and parcel of growing up to want your parent at times when hurt (mentally and physically) and to miss them but it’s part of building resilience isn’t it? This child wasn’t in any danger and I’m amazed it was allowed.

It's made me feel a little sad, that this other mom and child had such a strong bond that the child needed her mom to be so close and that the mom was there for her child

Not a strong bond, an unhealthy one.

My mum wouldn't have done it, the school wouldn't have allowed it and I wouldn't do it for my DD.

And one who didn’t have a job to bother about. Which makes it that bit easier to be “nice and understanding”.

There was a thread on here about 15 years ago that was asking what your dad would do if you were kidnapped by an international drugs cartel. It was a painful read for me and I imagine a lot of other readers because it was obvious lots of people had dads that would Really Really care and my dad never even made sure I was safe.

Yes I thought so too

Wow, good for you. That's great support you gave your son ,❤️

It’s not about having a stronger bond than any other parent and child it’s about the childs anxiety. Ie it’s not about you.
I did something similar for a while with my own child that had selective mutism which is a form of anxiety.

That was for @TomatoSandwiches

When one of mine was in reception a mum came and had lunch with her daughter every day as the child was struggling. just for the first term I think. This would have been about 7 years ago. I remember thinking that it was lovely that the school was able to allow it to help her settle.

It makes me sad that I won’t be able to do this for my DC (because I work). My mum would have never done anything like this, but I guess I do a lot of things for my DC that my mum never did for me.