Coping with ending relationship when it’s your decision

[Argonautica]

As above really, I ended a relationship that was taking up too much of my headspace and detracting from my every day life.
i still love him but there was lots of aspects which weren’t conducive to my life or mental health, he did his best but ultimately he had adult kids and I have school age kids and although we’re very compatible our lifestyles just didn’t fit.
hes enjoying his freedom and some hedonism which I could dip in and out of but he was also enjoying it too much sometimes (in recovery from alcohol) and would then lie to me or omit information which played on my mind and tainted our relationship and my trust and my confidence in myself.
i also have high needs kids and the mental toll from my every day life and feeling unstable in the relationship was too much.
he was trying to change and make things better but I was giving it too much attention and I know it was depleting my low reserves
.
so I know I made the right decision but I am gutted, I don’t have any family, we were so compatible in lots of ways and he is very kind and loving.
so now I have ended it for the sake of my family but scared I got it wrong, what next?

Remind yourself this was the right thing to do for you and your family. Take part in some activities you enjoy.

improve your headspace
do some fun activities with the kids.

spend some time with good friends.

it was not to be. he was not “it”.

too many red flags 🚩 tbh
hedonistic life style and recovering alcoholic?! Good gawd girl. No way. Not with kids around. Not ever.

put you and your kids first is always the right thing to do.

You dodged a bullet there.

well done you excellent lady.

Aww thank you 🤩 I overlooked a lot of stuff I think because I am not perfect and because I could see he had made huge changes and is still making changes but I think over time his actions had eroded my trust and was stopping us from progressing, plus exactly what you say, I couldn’t see long term how our lives would ever fit together, for the reasons you list

It’s normal to have doubts when you leave but remind yourself of the way the relationship made you feel and the reasons why you left. It can be helpful to write them down.

Then when you have a moment of doubt or remember the good times and you’re doubting your decision, you can balance this with the reasons it wasn’t healthy for you to stay.

I found journaling really helpful to give me perspective. And to note down what I wanted for the future and ways in which I enabled or people pleased too much. So I can hopefully be better in my next relationship and not put up with as many red flags.

‘Enabling’ and ‘people pleasing’ ! Exactly, enabling and pleasing the wrong people!