My DH and I got together at university 22 years ago. Married for 17. 2 DCs, 10 and 5yo, both conceived with IVF after many years and losses. We are early forties now and doing well in our careers but we have totally lost each other.
There is no affection, no love, no sex since January 2022. No major incident like an affair - we have just slowly drifted apart and we are utterly emotionally disconnected. We’ve navigated a couple of big house moves (we don’t live in the UK) and the past couple of years have been extremely stressful; life is only starting to settle down now and we are getting into a kind of rhythm and proper routine with kids’ schools and sport.
There are major differences in how each of us grew up, the kind of families and our backgrounds etc, that I can see now are having a huge impact on how we parent and how we live our everyday lives. I have asked him constantly to go for counselling - we have been in couples’ counselling since 2020, albeit not regularly - but he has not made the effort. I am in regular therapy myself to enable me to deal with huge life shifts.
I know our marriage is over. However I cannot afford to leave him and start afresh, as financially it would be disastrous. I would never be able to afford a house by myself, schools would have to change and with all the upheaval of recent years I need things to be as smooth and predictable as possible.
If anyone has any advice about living separately under the same roof, I’d really appreciate it. We haven’t yet had that conversation but we have got to the point where we have looked at how our finances would work separately. I want to live my life for me, and while things are amicable enough do what I can to maintain some kind of stability for my kids.