Fuming

[PeaceLilly12]

My partner is currently out of work.. a long story… he sleeps in til 9/10 and doesn’t do a great deal!
Our eldest left this morning for a three day residential with school and he couldn’t even be ar@@d to get out of bed to say goodbye. Our son didn’t even say anything. I’m so upset for my son that his father seems not to give a poo! Opinions required so I can hopefully calm down a bit

Is he performing all housework and parenting while he's unemployed?
Whose house is it?
If it's your house, consider if you want to keep him around as some kind of ornamental boyfriend or if you'd be happier without him.

depends how long he had the job but it does sound like depression could be good to get him to the Dr.
it was wrong of him not to get up to wish your son goodbye though
you need to set down some rules if he is not working depressed or not he should be able to wash up or push a hoover round

That’s rubbish, poor DS. This sounds like one of those tip of the iceberg threads, how long has he been out of work and what does he do all day?

I would, at first, calmly but firmly explain that his behaviour was insulting and unattractive. I would explain my disappointment in him as a father, partner, man, basic human being.

I wouldn't wash his clothes, make his meals, try in anyway shape or form to make his life easier or give have sex with him.

But I have little time for freeloaders who don't pull their lump of a weight. I would have even less time for their father if they treated our children like that.

What does he actually do then?

After a lovely long lie in, does he think go on his phone for hours, makes himself a sandwich without clearing up or offering to make you one? Does he prepared dinner for the family whilst he isn't earning?

Is he contributing to the parenting and household equally? (I think I know the answer but perhaps I am wrong)

Does he think his penis means he should be treated like an (unearning) king of the castle?

We are leaving early for school at the moment, and H works long hours and later in the day, but right now his(our) eldest has exams, so just before we left I shouted at him, you want to get up and wish your eldest good luck before he goes, it wasn't pussyfooting around, and yes he got up, said good luck, then had to sort something for the youngster and when I got back he isn't cross I woke him he is thankful that he didn't sleep through saying good luck. Because if he was cross (which he would never be) but let's say he was he would get a mouthful back that he can set his own fucking alarm and take sole responsibility for getting up in time to see his eldest off on, what are, important days. And H knows this will be my response, he knows he's presently got it sweet, he appreciates that I don't let him, or give him the option of not missing a good luck to his son, but he knows I haven't got the time or patience, or just general personality to pamper to King Penis Syndrome.

So yeah OP I would basically tell him, all the time, that at the moment he is a fucking waste of space.

Whether he’s depressed or not you need to tell him to sort himself out.

If he’s depressed he gets himself to the doctor and agrees to and complies with treatment.

If he’s not depressed but lazy/ entitled/ just plain disinterested in his child and you and happy he’s got you as a meal ticket you must get your child away from him.

It is very damaging to a child to know that their parent doesn’t give a toss about them. It causes all sorts of mental health issues which often don’t show until adolescence.

If it’s your house, just get rid of him. What benefit is there to you and your child of having him around, costing you money and making a mess ?
I guarantee you’ll be far happier without him.

Have just one discussion with him about it and an ultimatum. Otherwise you’ll find yourself going round in circles and before you know it years have passed and been wasted with him.

My opinion is that he should have got up to say goodbye to his son.

What is he doing to find a job? When was his last interview? Is he engaging with support for jobseekers? How many jobs has he applied for this week?
If you're working why isn't he up sorting the kids out for breakfast, school etc?