Being gaslit and I know it!

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I'll try to keep it as short as I can
met a guy on dating site and have met up intermittently for the occasional coffee
he has the habit of dropping off the radar and then coming back with the line "you've been quiet"
I don't berate or argue
i understand that we have busy lives, I certainly do its just been meeting up for a coffee
no biggie

He recently got in touch again and the vibe seemed somehow different.
he was more attentive and communicative so I though ok, let's see how this goes
we've met up a few times
I suggested meeting up at the pub in his village and he said he wanted to go somewhere else
(that's the second time that has happened)
We've been getting on great and had lots of messaging verging on sexting although I'm mindful that guys want to get their thrills from sexting and pictures.....I'm not that girl I'm afraid
he actually sent me a friend request on fb, (I once mentioned fb and he quickly changed the subject)
Don't most people on dating sites turn to fb to learn more about the person they're dating?
no big deal for anyone however this means that he has nothing to hide right?
so he disappears on a Weds afternoon, no comms at all, then he messages the next morning that he had been to collect his 'friend' from the airport
again no biggie however since then, the messaging has gone totally haywire again
disappearing and not responding for hours
On the Friday afternoon never heard a thing from that lunchtime
I messaged him on Saturday morning as usual and the message wasn't even read until 1pm and then a quick response that he's not been up to much, just walked his dog and been doing paperwork
so I just said that it was rude not to even give a short reply for literally 6 hours after the messaging has been free and easy previously
not another peep until Sunday evening at 7.30

(I already knew that he'd either message me on Sunday night or Monday morning) and then he was going totally over the top about how we all go quiet.....same old same old.......
I know what I know
he kept messaging me giving me lectures about how sometimes we all go quiet due to things in life taking over and then reams and reams about how he had lots going on
"he protesteth too loudly me thinks" was going through my head!
I politely and calmly told him that I totally get what he was saying however looking at his actions from my perspective it only has one conclusion
yet again more messages about how I'm wrong and sometimes we all go quiet and
now he says yes unfriended me on fb (which is what you do when your 12!!)

total over reaction in my humble opinion yet funny how he suddenly now has the time to write all of these messages eh?
My conclusion is that he unfriended me because he has something to hide (his sons wedding is in August so he'll probably have a plus one)
I've learned the hard way to trust my gut and
I absolutely know I've been gaslit however I'm interested in your opinions ladies

So move on

That's not gaslighting.

6 hours without a reply? LTB

I think you’re waaaay over-invested in a guy you’re not even dating, but have met a few times for coffee. He doesn’t have to account to you for his movements.

You've only met up a few times for coffee but you're expecting him to be texting constantly, every day. You sound a bit needy tbh and it would drive me mad.

I think this is where women hurt themselves.

We tell each other that an interested man will chase us from the first day

But

We also tell each other to be wary of love bombing

And

To look for a man who has his own life and hobbies and aspirations.

It's very confusing messaging.

WOW 6 long hours.

He sounds flakey but you sound far too intense

You're right. Him telling you YOU have gone quiet when it was him who disappeared is gaslighting. I would be telling him he's too immature and I'm out

His communication style or lack of consistency is making you feel on edge. I get that; I would feel the same. Ultimately you may need to tell him it doesn't sit right with you and find someone whose communication better matches your own. I believe that people start as they will go on, so I doubt he'll change.

Jeez! He probably thinks you are a potential stalker with that kind of behaviour.

There's another thread going very similar to this. You also sound hard like hard work.

JFC, you’ve met this man for coffee a couple of times. He’s not your boyfriend and you’re being really fucking weird. Gaslighting?! Get a grip.

He’s unfriended you because he thinks you’re completely nuts. I’d have done the same if a man was behaving to me like you’re behaving to him.

But women do have to start engaging their own brains and not rely on men to do all the thinking, but if a man or woman decides how another person acts and they don't meet that criteria they could also be missing out, same if somone is needier than normal also

It is easy to decide 'right you need to do 1.2.3 and if you don't, next!' Or to come round come up with somw made up scenario you have decided on not much info

I think he's probably married. Block him and move on.

He wasn’t interested in any serious so you got sporadic replies, he’s now unfriended you which means not interested at all. Just leave it there and carry on looking.