Sex work attitude

[Mylegsfeelstrongernow]

This topic has probably been covered a million times already, so apologies if that’s the case.
My partner did admit that he used sex workers in the past and it somehow really bothers me. I know that it shouldn’t because he was single at the time and I’d hate to be judged if things were reversed, but I think I’m most annoyed that he can’t understand why I find it off putting.

To what extent did he use them? I suppose on the plus side of there is one at least he is being honest and told you the truth. I assume you are both tested for sexual diseases etc

It’s completely reasonable to judge him for that. If he thinks it’s ok to buy women’s bodies for sex, he’s a git, whether he was single at the time or not.

Why do you think it shouldn't bother you? Don't you have an ethical objection to sexually exploiting women?

Ew ew ew. I do not judge sex workers but i 100% judge the blokes that use them. Creepy incels the lot of them, think they have a right to women’s bodies. I would not have someone in my house if I knew they’d been with a sex worker, let alone in my body.

It would bother me.

For me it would be that fact that clearly he doesn’t see a woman being genuinely aroused and attracted to him as a prerequisite for him to have sex with her. That would raise too many concerns around his views of consent for me to feel comfortable in a relationship.

How on earth did that come up in conversation? Was he testing to see your reaction? Any man who has had anything to do with the exploitation of women would instantly make my skin crawl

Very well put

I don’t know, it just had never been anything we discussed before until I made a comment on something related.
I really don’t want to judge people for their past because I would hate to be judged for some things I did, so I try to apply the same principle to others. It’s the attitude that I find more troublesome I think because he doesn’t see anything wrong with it.

Yes. This. A woman actually wanting to have sex with him being optional? Does he get off on women who don’t want to sleep with him?

C’mon it’s just legalised rape. It’s gross.

Yes, it’s not always reasonable to judge someone because of course people can change. But just because it was in the past doesn’t mean you automatically can’t be judged on it.

It bothers you because it's grim, buying women for sex. You've grown up and learnt from your past, he hasn't.

It might be different if he was sorry, but from what you say he isn’t.

I’ve seen these posts a few times on MN and never commented but there is always something that I think I should say and that is of the men I know who have used sex workers I don’t know of any that has only done it once.

It appears that once you have crossed the boundary there is no going back and you will always be a user of sex workers therefore little stigma in doing it again and the draw is salacious.

So with that said with this man who can’t see any issues with it . Every lads holiday, every golf trip every time you go away with your friends you will wonder where he is and what he’s up to as temptation for him is only a payment away.

Life is too short for that shit sorry x

If you choose to stay with your ‘partner’ he will do this behind your back. Why be with someone like that? It’s gross! Get someone self respect and get rid. He is not ‘partner’ material. Would you plan to have kids with him? Would you really want the likes of him to be a father to your children?

And when you’ve explained the issues, can he listen and take on board what is wrong with it?

Wasnt there a similar post yesterday?

The Thai prostitutes one? And there was another by an idiot who’d ‘bought’ a Filipina wife. They’ve both been deleted.

If he doesn't see anything wrong with it, then you're not judging him on his past behaviour but on his current attitudes.

If he doesn't see anything wrong with it, what's to stop him using prostitutes again?

What have you done in the past that is on the same level as buying sex?