Hi there,
I need some help, but this is a long story.
So my Fiancé, and father of my nearly 3 year old son. Left 6 weeks ago.
It all started because he was going on a night out with all his work friends for some of their birthdays (his included).
So around that time, I was in agony with my body, and really ill. As well as our son having some bad behaviour issues, and trouble with his sleep pattern.
So all evening he didn't even bother messaging me, to see how I was. Or to check up on us.
So I went to sleep late that evening, thought I really need to get some sleep. He comes back at 2am, being really loud and inconsiderate.
So I woke up, with our son. As it was Mother's Day, hoping he would wake up too. He didn't. He woke up for a second, to see our son. And didn't say a word to me.
So I called my mum up, told her everything. So she picked me up, so I wouldn't have mother's day alone. (I also left the flat, so to see if he would react; he didn't).
10am comes around, he is physically up and changed. As I've come back from the park with my son, before leaving to go to my mums. And he says "Happy Mothers Day" (p.s we went out the day before, and I asked if he was going to get me anything. He said he would whilst we were out, and he didn't).
So I've gone to my mums, come back later (he didn't message me), he's gone out to get the food shop and got me some flowers, a card and some chocolate. We didn't speak for a bit, then I said how I felt about it all. And what time did he come back... said 2am, so I said you went clubbing then, he said "yeah, but I didn't dance"... okay, whatever. Just all I wanted you to do was to see how me and your son were. He said "I didn't want to wake you guys up, because your phone vibration if loud". I said I didn't care if he did, because at least it shows he cares.
Anyway, he said he was going to leave because he doesn't feel wanted, and that he can't do anything right. So he packed to leave, we spoke and sorted it out.
Then I found out from my uncle and mum that work in the same place as him, that he was a little "mover" (good dancer) because his room leader said so, in a room meeting.
I have been told this from my mum. So i told my partner what had been said, over text whilst he was at work, just to basically say, why did you lie.
Then he went mental. Saying "I've had enough. I'm leaving when I get home, because I have had it with your mum, your uncle and you. I feel like I can't do anything without being watched".
Also I was told he was sat with a woman at work. He was always around. But she was starting a new relationship with someone else at their work, so she didn't want to be involved (also she went on the night out too. The only woman there).
Anyway, I had his stuff packed because I was so fed up with him always leaving and the most minor things (and usually he comes back). But he didn't. He said he is stuck on his decision and not coming back. Which obviously hurt me.
Then I kept begging, trying to understand why he isn't coming back and why he left so easily.
Then one day I caught him at my flat, waiting. After picking my daughter up from school. And he was there waiting for me to open my letter box up. And I finally got a chance to ask if he loved me and the kids that much that why didn't he fight and all that. Anyway we made up, he was messaging me again. Then Wednesday came, he saw his son. But then we had sex, then he didn't stay around long (usually before he would cuddle me and mess around with me), but he led down for a second, then got up and said he had to leave. P.s I'd like to add that he only came over because his old car was being taken, and he didn't give me a kiss or acknowledged me. Until after the car went. We messaged for a few days, then the 11th April (day before my birthday) he said it feels weird and that he doesn't feel it's right that we're together. It feels "forced". So he leave me over the phone (again).
Anyway, a few days pass. He sees our son a few times. Then comes the 19th April, I had a spa day planned for my birthday. So I asked if he could have our son Saturday (i asked on the thursday), because I needed time to actually recover from all the trauma that had been caused. He said no, because he's going out with his sister at the beginning, then I facetimed crying. Saying it's alright for him he gets to live his life and he hasn't put a fight in for me. But he's used the mother of his child for sex. And that is the lowest of low. Then he cut the call off, saying he's not having his son.
A few hours pass, he said he would have our son, because he still cares about me and wants me to be okay.
So the Friday comes, he wants to facetime our son. So I answer, our son didn't want to speak. So he spoke to me, asking if I'm okay, and then said "your makeup looks nice" and saying how beautiful I am. Then he said, that he thinks he's made a mistake with leaving. And that he wants to speak to me in person. So I said yeah okay, we can do Monday, he said no, he wants to do it sooner rather than later. So we decided Sunday. I told him to plan and to take me somewhere (he didn't, blamed it on the fact he had our son).
Anyway he picks up our son Saturday, for his weekend. Then we flirted for a bit. Then I said give me a hug and then we kissed. Left it all happy.
Then Sunday evening he brought our son back to my mums, so we could go out for a drink to reconcile. He didn't have anywhere planned. So we drove for a bit, then found somewhere. We spoke about everything, then sat with one another. The decided to go else where, so we went to a restaurant. I paid for the food and drink (because it's only me that pays for things). Then he spoke about Monday, because we had a holiday planned. He asked "Weird question, but would you want to go on that holiday tomorrow?" I said yeah, let's do it!
So I'm back at my mums packing, because I've stayed there. And then Monday comes, he picked me and the kids up to drop and collect some bits from mine. Then we left.
We were finally on this holiday, and it was lovely. Unfortunately I had to pay for everything as he had no money... but I was willing to do it, so we could bring out relationship back. And it felt like nothing happened, and we were back to what we both wanted.
Then Friday comes, the day of our departure. We got back to mine, dropped my things off. He put the kids in their bedroom as we got up early, so they could have a nap. And we could too, then we had sex. Then he hung around for about another 30 mins, saying he couldn't nap. Then I knew he was going to say he's got to go. So he goes... saying it's fine I will be back Sunday as we're spending time together.
Sunday comes, he spent the morning with me because the shops weren't open yet. And he was taking our son out for the day. So I went out for the day (I had no message from him what so ever). Then he came back to mine, to pick me up so we could go to the Japanese place to grab some snack and I asked him to get me them (because he got paid Friday, and it would be nice if he brought something for me).
We got back to mine, and sat down. He already put the football on my tv, and didn't acknowledge me. So I said "you're a bit comfortable for someone that doesn't live here anymore" he just laughed it off. But I knew something wasn't right. So I asked him, what was wrong? The first few times, he said he was fine and nothing was wrong. And then finally he said "it just doesn't feel right", "I just don't feel excited to see you". Then obviously I broke down, because I invested so much into sorting this out, but he went on to say those things... and then he kept asking if I'm okay. I just said yes, whilst crying... it was obvious that is wasn't. Then he said that he's just going to leave. A few minutes of him hanging around, I'm sobbing in his arms breaking. And he had a tear or two in his eyes. And we just went back a forth. Then finally got up and left, whilst me and our son are at our balcony watching him go. (He said our son was crying because he wanted to go in the car. He didn't, he was actually crying for his dad. Whilst I was too). He has tears in his eyes, whilst in the car. Then waves bye to his son, and left me for the 3rd time within a month.
Also during this I threw my necklace back at him and he said just throw it in the bin. And asked me if that was it? Am I done?
So later that day, he asked me over message. "What is wrong with me and you. Why can't we fix this like we used to do?". I was exhausted from all of it, and said he was the only one that could answer that. Then said "yes i know, but i love you and the kids so much. I want you guys". And "I over reacted big time and I want you and the kids. I should of just giving us another chance". " I just wouldn't rather be with you all the time. But that would be moving back in together. And I'm worried it would be too much" I just ignored him. Then he said "I know it's too late... and I am really sorry. I've made this mess even worse than before".
So I left him alone. Then I get a message the next day, saying "can we talk about us. And yesterday?". I said what is there to talk about? You're a mess at the moment, and I'm so tired of this. You need to find out what you want... and leave me alone.
Then I gave in and said if you want to speak to me, I can call now as I'm going to the shops. And he said no. I would rather it was in person. Also to mention he was blaming me. Saying it didn't seem like I wanted to sort it out either.. I said if you want to sort this out, come down now. And we can talk. He said no he can't, because he's going back home and has brought a maccies that he needs to eat. So I ended the call, saying you know what. I see how much this means to you, because you're obviously not interested in sorting it out. Then he said "I've just spent ÂŁ20 on maccies. I'm not eating it whilst cold." So I said that's fine, I'm not doing this anymore. He then proceeded to call me impatient and that I'm trying to get back at him.
So later that day, I apologised saying sorry for being impatient. And then we spoke about our problems again. Thinking it would bring us back together. (I did say I need time to find myself, and he said he is willing to wait for as long as I'm ready). So the messaging was meaningful, then just died down.
So the next day, I said "would you like to come around after doing your tip run for some food, so we can speak and spend some time together". He said he's not sure, as he's got the gym and to go home and sort stuff out. So I just said, "oh okay... no worries". And he said he would be around Wednesday anyway for our son. So we could spend time together. So I just said "no worries :)".
Then I could feel myself getting really annoyed, and told him "you know what, don't worry about tomorrow"
Then he said I was coming around tomorrow anyway...
Then we argued back and forth. Then I told him, he's annoying me and to leave me alone. Then he said, "thats fine, I'm sorry. I will leave you alone".
So I left it for a day or so and said "do you want a relationship? And why do you keep saying you want to sort it out?"
Then he said, he would rather not have a relationship because it's too toxic. And that he would rather it came naturally, instead of forced.
Then we just left it there.
I blocked him on Facebook, because I kept looking to see him online. And it was killing me. Then I asked to have my Internet and tv Bill in my billing and name. He asked, why do I want it changing so badly. He will pay half of it off. Then I said, because you don't live with me anymore and it's my responsibility. And whilst you're at it delete Disney plus.
Anyway he had our son over night Saturday, I went out with a new friend (girl) for a night out. Had a really good time. Then he brought him back the Sunday. We didn't really say much.
He doesn't ask about his son, or facetime him during the week like he used to do.
Then Saturday came around, he picked him up. All was fine, took our son. I went out after my daughter was picked up from her father.
Then I came back from spending the day with my dad. An hour later, I saw my exes car turn up in my spot. So I ran to the back door. Wondering what was happening. Then asked, why is he back? He said because it isn't his weekend to have him over night. I said well it was... take our son back with you now. He said no, passed me our son. Then proceeded to say, we've spoken about this before and that him having him every weekend over night has never happened. He did briefly speak about Saturdays before he left me again, but not about only having him for the day. And even if so, I would of known. As even if we did discuss it, we never talked about a time of brining him home. He had him from 9:30am to 5:30pm.
Anyway he was just being really stubborn. I said that he isn't right in the head at the moment. And he can take .e to court to see his son. So he walked back to his car. Saying you wouldn't win anyway. I said that's because mummy and daddy do everything for you. And then he shouted, " you, you're tapped, tapped in the head." Pointing to his head then said I need to get help.
So I stood in shock on my balcony (which is in the car park) with my son in my arms. And he drove past saying "what?". I said I can't believe you're doing this... this is all because you don't communicate. He said he did, then said that he has to work all week and doesn't get a weekend free. He has to sleep on the sofa. Which i responded, "that isn't my fault, nor problem, you chose to". Which he responded that he had to choice but to leave. Anyway he said he would win in court, and drove off. So I shouted "yeah that's right, mummy and daddy do everything for you. That's why you've moved back in". He also has the whole house free, because his parents have gone away.
I said that because, his sisters boyfriend is adored by his parents. They have their own nickname for him, go on holidays together and literally do or say anything positive about him. And since my ex partner was with me, he said he felt left out. But he didn't care. Because he parents wouldn't bother with him, or us as a family. And now he lives back with them, and is always with them. Especially when he has our son, he will want to do everything with him as long as they're involved.
Anyway, a day passed. I messaged him saying, "right this is the plan. You have our son, every other weekend. Starting from this weekend. Like I do with my daughters father. And it starts from 9:30am Saturday, to 5:30pm Sunday. We won't do Wednesdays or every Saturday anymore. Cheers đź‘Ť".
His response was "yeah okay fine".
And that is where we stand now. I haven't got a clue, as to what is going on with him. It is breaking me, because that evening he brought him back, our son didn't go to sleep until 12 at night, and I didn't get to sit down till 12:30. I am extremely exhausted and overwhelmed with emotions. I miss him so much, but I keep looking back at how many times he's left and treated me this whole relationship.
I just don't know what is going on?
Please be gentle, As my mental health isn't at best.
Thank you x