To feel a bit unsettled when a mutual friend tells me what my ex is up to

[EdinLon1]

So my relationship ended 3.5 years ago, after 5.5 years together. It took me a long time to get over but I'm very happily single now, no desire to meet anyone.

I see a mutual friend every couple of months and she usually mentions something he's up to at least once, eg gigs they've gone to together or where he's going on his holidays. I can't explain it but it always unsettles me for a few days after, I feel a bit down. I'd never go back there, he wasn't nice to me at the end and at times during the relationship, so I don't understand why I feel like this.
Anyone ever experience anything similar?

Do you ask about your ex or does your friend just tell you? That’s quite cruel of her if she just comes out with it.

No, I don't bring his name up at all. In fairness, she doesn't go on at length, but always drops his name in briefly

I don't think she's being cruel. I think she's telling you about what she's done and treating it as exactly what it is, a mutual acquaintance who crops up in conversation etc. she could equally be mentioning a female friend who you had issues with or somebody you disliked if they had attended events together. if she's not going on at length she's probably just saying it in passing.

Some people would also want all the gossip and information on their ex.

I think you need to work on why it makes you feel like that more than necessarily asking your friend to censor herself.

She’s being clueless, you need to tell her to stop. I would feel the same, it’s natural.

I think it’s fine to let your friend know you would rather not hear updates on an ex. She may be telling you so you don’t feel like she’s meeting up with him behind your back.

I'd have to tell her. I'd probably text her before next meeting to say, 'Actually Jen, just to let you know I really dislike it when you update me on what Mark is up to. Can we agree not to bring his name up as I prefer the past to remain in the past and it makes me uncomfortable when you do this'.

Very clear and to the point.

Yes, I think I'll do this.