24 Hours and new girlfriend

[tulisptue]

Not really expecting much advice just need a place to offload.

I was seeing a guy for 8 months. I was practically his girlfriend without the label. Going out, met his parents and his friends, stayed over each others houses (mainly mine) I would cook, clean his clothes, give him lifts (he cant drive), you name it I would do anything (now I feel like a mug admitting) he would always say we weren't official and I guess this is where I went wrong, I should of walked away but I didn't.

Anyways I am with his friends (male and female) all of them saying he does like me and cares but even they thought he was being silly for not wanting the label but they say he talks about me all the time. Bonus! I thought.

Role on the weekend just gone, he's out with his friends. As usual, I leave him to it cos I want him to have fun and I was with my friends elsewhere. I was going to message him Sunday to see if he had fun until I scrolled on Facebook and to my amazement he has put his relationship status as "in a relationship" with a girl I have never heard of, nor is she from our area. I called him for only him to say "we wasn't official" I was so shocked.

One of his friends contacted me and told me that he met this girl that Saturday in a bar, went to hers and stayed the night and they changed the status in morning. His mate said she did try it on with the mate first but he wasn't interested so went to "my guy". The mate explained she is someone who has just split with a boyfriend and was out with friends in our town for a change. The Mate even sys it is strange that he has gone straight into a relationship.

Is it just me that it is bizarre that two people can meet in 24 hours and decide they want to be in a relationship?

I feel so used and the 8 months of the stuff I did for him meant nothing. I have blocked him now and getting someone to ask him for money that he owes me (yes I gave him money - d'oh) and I will concentrate on myself.

Please let me know I am not the only one who has fallen victim of these sort of men?

You cooked, washed his clothes, gave him lifts, gave him money and the guy wouldn't even tell people you were official?

You must be mad!

His friends don't know anything about this girl. They are just as shocked.

My thoughts exactly.

Forget about everything else, OP, and try to work out why you allowed this to happen. You need to explore, perhaps through therapy, why your self worth is so low that you became your FWB’s unpaid cook, maid and chauffeur? THEN you can think about re-entering the dating pool.

Absolutely bonkers. She shouldn’t have been doing any of that in a committed relationship - she’s not his mother - let alone when it’s a casual FWB situation.

When I was young people did that all the time, you were BF/GF or whatever combination immediately. My DS had to explain it all to me when he started dating. Apparently it’s talking, dating, official and then GF/BF. It’s one time I’m glad I’m older.

Which is why therapy is probably a good idea for OP.

If you go through life with your self respect in the gutter, you will continue to be taken advantage of.

Kindly: what is your self esteem like to invest so much in someone who won't even call you their girlfriend?
Give yourself some space to work on this.
You are worth so much more than this.

Women often act like a maid thinking they are auditioning for 'wife'. Instead you get treated like a maid. And worse because you threw in money (and sex).

In future, act like you're an equal. No skivvying around, no giving money (yes, this was very foolish), no acting like he's better than you. Act like you're worthy of respect and it weeds out the time-wasters and arseholes.

Same here , it was so much simpler.

All this and look for assertiveness training/advice and practice it. You were not born to be someone else’s serf. Relationships need to work for all parties, not just one.

As you've now learned from hard experience, you can't "win" someone by acting as a skivvy and cash machine, but in this case I really don't think he's worth having anyway. I hope it doesn't take you long to realise this and that you deserve a reciprocal relationship.

The problem with all this is that he was open about the fact he wasn’t interested in being your official boyfriend straight from the beginning. It’s a cruel trick some men play where they encourage you into a girlfriend role while reminding you that it’s fake. They get to have a placeholder partnership and then vanish on a whim with a clear conscience. Look upon it as a lesson and be warned he’ll probably come crawling back.

Sounds more like his Mum than a girl friend. You need to set your bar much higher.

This times 10000 - wtf were you thinking OP? He told you in no uncertain terms this wasn’t a relationship and yet you waited hand and foot on him as well as providing sex on tap.

Honestly he’s not really done much wrong - other than to sit back and let you be his handmaiden. You knew the score and you still swam an ocean for a man who wouldn’t jump over a puddle for you.

Be glad it ended now, not 2 years from now or longer!

Learn from this: if a guy is not going exclusive with you and is not calling you his GF by the "insert your timeline here", you leave. Period.

For me, within a month of dating or date 4/5, if he is still dating other women or if he doesn't want to call me his girlfriend, I will not stay. That's my 2 cents on this.