Booked weekend break with in-laws and they’ve invited their other sons family.

[Baconandbrietoastie]

I’m not sure how to deal with this. I booked a weekend away for daughter’s bday and she asked if in-laws could come so I asked them. They have then invited the other son’s family. They don’t play with my daughter, the other grandchildren so I didn’t invite as she would be upset that they ignore her. What should I do? There isn’t any bad blood I just wanted to go without them this time so she gets some attention from grandparents.

What does your husband think?

Because anything said will be better coming from him

And if he won't speak up for his child you are going to have to have a completely different conversation

"Sorry Paul and Sue, this is a weekend away to celebrate Xs birthday and she wanted it to just be the 5 of us."

In what sense have they invited another family? To the same hotel or resort? Do you have a DH?

God, MIL pulled crap like this all the time. It had to be SIL's kids or ALL the kids, never just ours.
Its why now they are teens they aren't too bothered about her.

Your dh needs to say no but unfortunately you guys will be the bad guys. Or cancel and do something just you guys. But lesson learnt.

Your inlaws don't like you and it sounds like that's spilling over onto your child. You should have made an excuse, your daughter doesn't get the unhealthy dynamics going on here. She may want her grandparents' attention but it sounds like she's not going to get it

Are you paying their way? Are you now expected to pay your BIL's family's way?

They were really rude to invite other people to a birthday away that you planned and set up. This was a deliberate slight to your kid to show you and her your place in the family and it is way, way down there.

It is time for your husband to really stand up for his family. Do you want your kid hurt on her birthday because Grandpa and Grandma's favorite grandkids are there and she gets ignored by everyone but you and your husband? WTF.

Id be pissed off at this tbh

I’d probably go with it by DH should say to MIL that it wasn’t the plan and he’d prefer for her to check before inviting people next time

Absolutely not! OP would be a massive doormat if she just rolled over and accepted it and disregarded her own DC’s feelings! Awful

OP please stand up for your DD, it’s her birthday trip….

That's just fucking rude.

What do you mean invited? Are you renting a cottage or just go to a different town and staying in the hotel? What the plan and who is paying for what?
I wouldn’t like it but the wording of my answer and my plan of actions would depend on details.

Yep.

Are you going to centre parcs or some such, or a hotel? Or a cottage? What’s the sketch with logistics? Who’s paying for grandparents?

I’d get my DH to tell his parents that it was not their place to invite others and I’d cancel it.

It’s a camping trip. I just feel if I wanted them to be asked to come I’d have asked them. Which I don’t this time.

Saying they dont like OP is a reach 😲 you have no evidence of that at all - surely if they didn’t like her they’d refuse the invite, not invite other relatives

Are they definitely going to come? What’s the beef with the cousins? Are they just different ages so don’t gel? Or do you feel the grandparents favour the cousins when they’re all together?

OP had a recent thread about that.

Get DH involved. It has to be him that sorts this out.

We had the same dynamic. My conscience is clear, over the years I tried to facilitate time with those grandparents but that's not what they wanted.
A recent 36 hour trip heavily enabled by us was dominated by phone calls, purchasing and leaving in good time to see the other family.
It does hurt my kids feelings and has now become a bit of a joke.
It's also coloured how much effort I'm prepared to put into their aging health.

How old is your DD?. Many children are quite indiscriminate in who they love but this is a good time to be teaching her that sadly not all relations are nice and kind. The children do not know or realise when they are being manipulated or otherwise exploited.

I would now cancel that weekend away or otherwise go on your own as a family unit. Your in-laws invited their other son and his family because they would rather spend time with them than with your H's own family unit i.e you people.

People from dysfunctional families like your H's end up playing roles; the other sibling and family are golden whilst your H and you people are the scapegoats for all their inherent ills. You will all remain scapegoated too. I am not totally surprised that he cannot and perhaps equally will not stand up for himself and his family; a lifetime of such conditioning to feel not good enough leaves scars. He needs therapy re his parents and he is likely mired in fear, obligation and guilt re them too.