Feel like crap

[Mrspinknails]

Sorry not beauty so delete if needed..noone else to talk to..

Now i feel really shit. Over the last 3 months.. Ex husband cheated after 27 years, one online guy I've been casually seeing and sleeping with ended it saying we are too far away different stages in life, children differnet ages, etc another bloke i was chatting to on fb dating, then moved to what's app bit after a couple of messages, he unmatched me maybe after seeing my what's app photo if he thought i was ugly?

Another bloke I thought we were getting on said just now he doesn't feel there is a connection just now and wished me luck moving forward.. lole 3 days ago we began talking and talked about history of partners cheating etc what we could do for our birthdays if things got that far and two days ago was saying well even if there isn't anything there and we like each other we cna be mates as our kids are the same age..I don't understand what's wrong with me. I feel so old fat and ugly. Sorry for the rant. Not used to this dating lark. I think ill be better off alone. My skin isn't thick enough for this.

You’ve come out of a 27 year marriage, now it’s time to work on yourself. Have a few fun dates if you want but why rush into another relationship?

we don’t click with everyone. Say one in a thousand is the “one”, you’ve spoken with 4. Odds are you aren’t going to want a relationship with one in 4 people you meet, there’s nothing wrong with you, you just haven’t spoken with enough people.

Its tough but be thankful that if they have seen that you aren’t going to click they haven’t wasted any of your time or strung you along.

Give it some time or enjoy yourself without dating maybe.

It's not you it's them. Whilst I haven't any recent experience to draw on, before I met DP many years ago, after my very first Internet date, I said whilst it was a lovely date blah blah, I didn't want to take it further. He wasn't a particularly pleasant person and made that more evident by saying that I would end up childless and lonely if I took that attitude after just one date!

My friend recently dating, has met some horrors.

Someone once told me you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!

Definitly not another relationship. The 1st guy i thought would just be fun, kinda friends with benefits but as he lived so far away he was like.. I don't see how we can progress their relationship. I did say I didn't want long term as I've just come out of a marriage but even with. I strings fun he ended it.
Just feel shit

No I've spoken to loads more than 4. Some I block as they get weird, some jist go quiet for a week so I delete them..but this one literally last night was talking about birthdays away and put kids being the same age kf we don't fancy each other but can be mates. I don't understand what's happened in less than 24 hours.

@Mrspinknails , you are just 3 months out of a marriage of nearly 3 decades.

Give yourself more than a minute to rebalance yourself and adjust to being single. You've experienced a lot of emotional upheaval and that's being reflected in your search for a rebound. Center yourself for a while and date yourself.

I know i jist wanted some fun. Few light dates, maybe a snog..just to feel wanted and validated. I just feel worse. Like ex has all thr fun, buildknga relationship woth the ow and I'm being discarded all over again

OOhh, I know this one!

I did the thing that you have done too. Well, same but different. Similar outcome.

Firstly, IT GETS BETTER!!!!

The lesson I learned is that after a long-term relationship you need to find out who you actually are again, and (this is going to sound trite) start to like yourself again. It's bloody hard!

Things I learned:

• The world owes me nothing.
• I don't need validation from anybody (bloody hard!)
• I have to make my own chances.
• If the way I'm behaving is alienating people I have to change (this smarts!)
• Take calculated risks!
• Work hard on you.
• Talk to yourself as if you were someone temporarily damaged but so worth giving a bit of love to! (also hard).
• Write stuff down. Get it out, on paper or voice to text if you don't like writing. Do it often. You're allowed to do what you like with it - chuck it away, or keep it to read when you're in a better place to show you how far you've come.
• Reach out to old friends. My first step back to life was contacting a friend in a far off place who I'd not seen for 5 years and asking could I come and stay for a few days. I got looked after and got a new person's take on who I was then. It was quite a shock.
• Confidence is attractive.

You are worthy of time and love, and you need to start by loving yourself.

I have been faking confidence and not talking about the ex etc. I don't know what people mean by world on yourself. I mean I pups do with losing a stone but not sure I have the time as so busy with work kids puppy and divorce stuff.
It used to be easier when people jist saw each other irl. Online datinf is awful.

OP you’ve been through a tough time. Understandably maybe wanting a quick fix and ego boost but to get through properly work on yourself first. Longer, more painful, lonely road but only for a short time. Feel all you need to feel. Don’t be too hard on yourself and then one day when you feel up to it write yourself a life is for living list. Anything you want to change or achieve, and one step at a time, work towards that goal. New skill, hobby, travel, getting fitter… whatever it may be.
The best time to meet someone new is when you are at the top of your game, your happiness and confidence are optimal. It’s up to you to make you happy, then their presence or not doesn’t impact or define you this much as you’re too busy enjoying life and the life you created to get so invested.
It’s awful, and scary and hurtful to have what happened happen, but you got this. Hoping you look back in few years and can feel proud of how far you’ve come. Nothing more beautiful than a woman happy in her own skin loving her one life.

Awwwww, lovely. It gets better. Do you have friends you can meet up with instead of dating? Having fun doesn't have to mean dating. (Quite often dating is the opposite! 😂)
It's not a competition with your ex to see who's quickest to find someone else.
You don't need to depend on some random bloke's opinion of your looks for self worth.
Spend some time thinking about what you'd like to do with any free time you have. Is there stuff you wanted to do in your marriage that you couldn't due to lack of time/ support?
If you need a confidence boost you could book a make up session in Boots (usually free or nominal charge that you get back if you buy something) or book a spa day (Groupon or Wowcher do reduced ones)
Time to care for yourself as well as everyone else.
Sending hugs. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Op after 27 years of marriage then being single if it was me id want to just stay single and work on me.
There is no rush.
You dont need a man to make you feel wanted and valued.

My ex left after 10 year together i stayed single no men for nearly 3 years and i loved it.
I worked on me and what i really liked i got to know me again after 10 year i forgot about who i was what i really like etc.
Now been single 12 years in all and i cant be bothered with men at all.

Well we got a ouppy as ex hates dogs but apart form that not really. Now I have even less time to do stuff I wanted due to funds and time. :(

Take puppy to dog training/ flyball/ agility/ socialisation. Kids can go with you. You'll meet loads of people doing something fairly cheap and fun.
There's loads of free/cheap stuff to do out there.
You might feel a bit out of your comfort zone at times but that's how things get better. 🤗

Can you look into any dog walking groups? You may meet some eligible men there in a more natural way 🙂

Thanks for your reply. Sadly for our pup they're really anxious so for time being I'm limited to only puppy training classes to get their confidence up. Id really like to get back to the gym. It's getting the time and money. Trying to crate train the pup as he hates being left alone.

Not sure how old your kids are or if childcare is an issue. Gyms can be expensive. What about joining a running group/ football/netball/rugby team? I think a bit cheaper than gym.

Kids are school aged but I work albeit hybrid.
Can't run due to bad knees sadly

OP there's lots of free online exercise videos on utube etc so doesn't have to cost anything!
Concentrate on loving/liking yourself first then you'll become more confident and that will shine through. You may just have been unlucky in your choices.
Just because your ex looks like it's all love and roses for him doesn't mean it really is. Now there's no secret assignations etc it won't be as exciting.
Move on, get yourself sorted and you'll soon forget about him as you'll be too busy living a better life.

How did you organise time for dating?

That was before the puppy. Me and kids wanted a dog for ages but ex always said no so now he's gone we got one. But ultimately on the rare occasions he saw the kids id have a daytime date.

It's far far too soon to be dating. Even for lighthearted fun. Look how crushed you are already. It's clearly not light hearted no strings fun for you, is it, because you're attaching so much importance to it.

I think these men can see that and don't want to get involved with someone so soon out of a ltr.

I would focus on being free except you've saddled yourself with a needy puppy.

Try not dating for at least a year. Focus on your friendships. Getting that puppy socialised and confident. Developing some interests.

Actually try and get to a stage where you don't need a man. Where you're happy single and free. Then consider dating again.

I wouldn't say I've saddled myself but he is hard work.
Thanks for your reply. I think.youre right. I'm speaking to someone but I think ill knock it on the head. Don't really have time anyway and feel like I deserve a glow up. I think my complicated feelings of both hating and still loving my ex are driving this, neither is healthy.

Thanks so much everyone