My DH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 5 and have DS nearly 3.
He is going away with work in a few weeks and i thought it might be nice for me and DS and my mother to go away somewhere too. DH and I haven't been apart for the length of time it will be before.
I asked him (yes asked) with some trepidation if he would mind (i already knew he had slight issue with her) and he said 'what you, DS and his second daddy'. I was not taken aback by what he said but how he said it. It was quiet sudden and said in such a way that (if i hadn't know better) i would have thought he was drunk.
He then went on at length about how she's always here and she sees more of DS than he does. I asked what he wanted me to do about it and he said nothing he'll just deal with it, but he said it in such a way that made me think he wanted me to do something about it. So i suggested she come one day in the week and go home before he gets home (only briefly before he goes back out to work) and then on a saturday night (when he works also) she come round once he's gone then leave before he gets back. That didn't appease him, he said that's like it's an affair.
My issue, is this, he gets up in the morning at the last possible minute because he hates work and he works 3 nights a week. If his issue is not seeing DS enough i suggested he get up earlier and stop working his night job. He won't leave his night job because he actually likes that and being up early just means he has more time to think about job he hates.
I need my mum, she's wonderful, she'll come and look after my boy or have him at hers at the drop of a hat (not like other mothers who need plenty of notice). Sometimes i'm tired or irritable and my mum has DS while i go off and clean or do other stuff that needs doing so i don't leave him on his own in his room or shout unessecerily because i'm a bit stressed.
I can't stop my mum coming round and i really need her sometimes. Obviously i'd rather have my DH but he likes the other job and the money is nice (means we can afford more than bills and food!).
I feel he is being v unreasonable but i am now in very hard place where i need to make sure my well meaning, least malicious person in the world mother doesn't say or do anything that might annoy my DH.
Weirdly he used to like her just fine. recently though she left my dad (who none of us like especially) and since then DH has been less tolerant of her 'i can see you dad's point' being uttered alot.
She can be a little irritating and she is a bit of a fuss pot, even though i tell her not to fuss about DS spilling food on himself she does, DS now bit neurotic about dirty hands! And she says things that could be misconstrued as snidey or interferring but she doesn't mean it the way it sounds.
He was particularly annoyed recently about hearing my mum doing opposites with DS. I had done them with him the night before, he had picked them up really quickly and then DH did a couple with him. I told my mum cause i was so proud of him and so she tested him the next morning (when she came round to look after him all day, taking the day off work, cause i was 'working').
DS says 'don't like daddy' alot but he says it when my mum's not here too. and my friends little boy shuts his dad out of the house when he gets in! I think DS says that because daddy goes out to work alot (but that can't be helped)
Came to a head this friday evening when he had been working mon, thurs, fri, due to do sat and we were at DS new nursery on weds. SO DH and DS didn't see much of each other this week.
Also we are trying for another baby and if we are successful i will need my mum even more on the nights he's working.
Is it normal for husbands to be jealous of mother in laws? My granmothers were a very big part of my life and influence on who i am.
Should i lessen my mum's time with DS? should i try to understand DH's issue (cause i really can't and i'm usually quite good at that kind of thing) or should i just leave him to deal with it himself and try v hard to not cringe or worry incase my mum says something annoying or misconstrueable (not a word i know).
Sorry about the length of this, problem i have is person i would usually talk to about stuff like this is my mother.
My 2 best friends don't have kids and the friends i do have with kids, i don't know well enough to talk to about this (i am sad friendless person!!)
Cheers, hope it makes sense