Should I think about being open to a relationship.I’d really appreciate your thoughts .

[itcixl]

I am 50, divorced and a mother of three. Dad has no interest in the children so it’s me solo parmetong. One adult and two mid teens.
my youngest is very attached to me. He can cope well when he is doing his own activities which are solo or when he’s with close family.
He follows me around from room to room and is essentially stuck on me. He is only sleeping independently for the last year or so.
He has had lots of assessment and therapy but definitely has attachment issues, anxiety, autistic traits and this can manifest as appearing to try to control my life. I understand why he does this so I can manage the behaviours somewhat . He does not have any firm friend but has fun with others in school. His therapies have not being effective generally . He is also on anti depressants but is happy generally .. and I see a definite improvement since he began these in the past few months. He is beginning to get more independent.
the other children are absolutely independent and flourishing.

My dilemma is this … I would like after six years to embrace a romantic relationship. I miss romance and being in a relationship and would like to share part of my life with a lovely man. My three children would love this for me and encourage this all the time but I’ve been worried about my youngest .
I now feel that because he is embarking on his own past times that he will be able to manage me not being there 24/7.

I have no interest in living with anyone and spending all my time with them… maybe one day/ night a week to begin with and possibly a night or two per week and every second weekend then etc as time progresses.
living apart together I think it’s called.
what is your opinion on this? Is it selfish of me ? I find my life quite claustrophobic at times. I’d love to add some extra joy to my life in terms of a relationship.
I don’t want to be a step parent either.
My son is 15.

Could anyone give me their opinion on this please ? I’d love some objectivity.

You want what you want. I think that is perfectly reasonable. Im in a similar boat, things are progressing with a lovely guy who has an 8 and 10 year old that he sees every Sunday. I am an empty nester and have no desire whatsoever to be a step mum or to live with anyone. I have told him this and said I will only ever be in a relationship where we live in separate homes. I love my own place, he does too, so we are happy with this.

Just be honest with the fella and say what you want. Its up to him if he wants to progress further. x

Of course you deserve some attention and affection! It's great that your kids are supportive of this too.
I joined an online dating site a year after my exH left, and a few months after he started divorcd proceedings. I decided that I'd pay for one month, see how it went, then try a different site for a month, to see how that went, and so on.
The first thing I'd say was that the attention was just lovely, and unlike anything I expected. My friends had been encouraging me to try it, just so that I'd feel attractive and wanted, and it definitely helped.
I was honest about the sort of person I am, didn't give too much away but also didn't pretend to be something I'm not. I wasn't looking for a relationship, nor was I looking for a one night stand...I don't really know what I was looking for tbh, but I think that was a good thing.
I had messages, a few on-the-dating-platform conversations with men, some were looking for no strings attached sex ( one had a very weird and disturbing fetish so i blocked him), others seemed very nice...I went on one date with a man whose messages really made me laugh, and the actual date itself was really good fun but there wasn't any physical attraction.
After the paid month, I left that site and joined another, but with more confidence and resilience.
On the first day, I met someone, we had a first date a couple of days later and have been very happy together since.
He's a single full time parent, as am I.
We spend as much time as we can together and although we talk about our future together, there aren't any plans to move in together for quite some time. It's frustrating to want to spend more time together, but it does make the few hours we do manage more special.
I think that you need to do what makes you happy, but I'd also be aware that your youngest may not be as happy with you having a relationship in reality, so be prepared for some fallout and set firm boundaries if you do start a relationship.
Whatever you do though, make sure you're 100% comfortable with it, and enj9y yourself. You thoroughly deserve it

Also I think you will find a lot of people feel like this - especially with kids still at home. You aren't unusual. Just be upfront about what you want. And it won't be forever in your case, just a few years til they get older and you may feel differently. I dont think I will, but thats me.

It's not selfish at all. Find someone who wants the same deal and it's a brilliant solution for both of you.

Also, I put what I wanted on my dating profile, and I mention it in messaging before the date. So I am very upfront and clear. That way no one is wasting their time. HTH

Sounds perfectly fine. You just have to find the right bloke now. 😂

It's really not selfish at all and, if you can find the right person, might actually be a good thing for your youngest.

I'm in a relationship with a lovely man I met OLD. His eldest has left home and his dc14 lives mainly with him. I have two that have left home and dc's 18 and 13 at home. Now we've met all the kids, we generally manage 3-4 nights a week together, at both our houses. The kids always come first, and we both truly do put them all first, so for us it has worked very well. But the key is finding the right person.....