I had been in a relationship for 9 years the relationship became very toxic and I was always shut down whenever I tried to say how I felt he would say stop being negative or talk over me constantly. I never had a voice. He became aggressive and abusive controlling and I had to end the relationship. The first week after ending things I felt ok and that I had made the right decision. Then it became harder and the memories started creeping back in and all the good times we had shared however I still had no want to contact him because whenever I thought those things I would also make myself remember how toxic it was. He always said he loved me alot and that I was his world and I knew he was finding the breakup hard as the first few days he was calling me non stop. Then he stopped calling which I was relieved. Last night I woke up heart pounding feeling like I wanted to cry and that I was missing him so much. Stupidly I called him at 2am he answered. I said I'm sorry I'm calling im having a sad moment. He straight away took that as I wanted to get back with him and straight away started to say things I had to change in the relationship and that he wasn't chasing me anymore etc. As I tried to speak he shut me down again in a nasty way and I couldn't say one thing without him talking over me and saying I was still being negative. that's when all that anxiety came back and I suddenly regretted calling him. I felt sick and I hung up. He called me back and I said it was a mistake me calling and that I realised in that moment that I had made the right choice all along to leave the relationship. Thing is im feeling absolutely terrible for stirring it all back up again he said he thinks because I called that I want to get back together. He wants to meet up to talk. I'm so angry and disappointed in myself and embarrassed. What do I say to him now he's going to think i am so gmhorribek for playing with his emotions like this.