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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Called my ex now i regret it

10 replies

Mystical1981 · 12/05/2025 08:37

I had been in a relationship for 9 years the relationship became very toxic and I was always shut down whenever I tried to say how I felt he would say stop being negative or talk over me constantly. I never had a voice. He became aggressive and abusive controlling and I had to end the relationship. The first week after ending things I felt ok and that I had made the right decision. Then it became harder and the memories started creeping back in and all the good times we had shared however I still had no want to contact him because whenever I thought those things I would also make myself remember how toxic it was. He always said he loved me alot and that I was his world and I knew he was finding the breakup hard as the first few days he was calling me non stop. Then he stopped calling which I was relieved. Last night I woke up heart pounding feeling like I wanted to cry and that I was missing him so much. Stupidly I called him at 2am he answered. I said I'm sorry I'm calling im having a sad moment. He straight away took that as I wanted to get back with him and straight away started to say things I had to change in the relationship and that he wasn't chasing me anymore etc. As I tried to speak he shut me down again in a nasty way and I couldn't say one thing without him talking over me and saying I was still being negative. that's when all that anxiety came back and I suddenly regretted calling him. I felt sick and I hung up. He called me back and I said it was a mistake me calling and that I realised in that moment that I had made the right choice all along to leave the relationship. Thing is im feeling absolutely terrible for stirring it all back up again he said he thinks because I called that I want to get back together. He wants to meet up to talk. I'm so angry and disappointed in myself and embarrassed. What do I say to him now he's going to think i am so gmhorribek for playing with his emotions like this.

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 12/05/2025 08:54

Stop beating yourself up.
We have all been there, we have all made those calls. It was just the once, in a low moment, you are human.
You haven’t played with his emotions, you made one vulnerable error which is understandable.
Stop worrying about his emotions. He was abusing you and instead of being kind in this low moment, he’s using it as a way back in.
Don’t let him. And block him now, otherwise you will be back in the same mess.
Stay strong, you’ve got this!

Mystical1981 · 12/05/2025 08:57

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 12/05/2025 08:54

Stop beating yourself up.
We have all been there, we have all made those calls. It was just the once, in a low moment, you are human.
You haven’t played with his emotions, you made one vulnerable error which is understandable.
Stop worrying about his emotions. He was abusing you and instead of being kind in this low moment, he’s using it as a way back in.
Don’t let him. And block him now, otherwise you will be back in the same mess.
Stay strong, you’ve got this!

Good advice..thankyou

OP posts:
crazeekat · 12/05/2025 09:10

text him, say sorry for phoning, it was a huge mistake. Then delete and block every single number or sm account of his. You were doing so well.
its a blip and you have realised what he was like, shows how much u don’t need him that he feels he can start to boss u about already. U can and will do way better than that. Good for you for keeping away. Now do it again, u will get there.
ps I’m no contact now for 4 years with absolute love of my life. I think about him every day, things naturally come into ur head. I have blocked him on everything. You will get there. Life is better without the stress. It’s still early for you. Good for u for getting rid. And as for playing with his emotions? Payback for all the times he fucked with urs .

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 12/05/2025 09:11

Totally agree with @PeggyMitchellsCameo
Why on earth are you worrying about “playing with his emotions”. Firstly, you’ve done nothing of the sort, and secondly, I worry why you feel like you are responsible for other people’s emotions. He didn’t need to pick up the phone to you, did he. If I got a call at 2am from an ex I’d know exactly what they were about. If I answered that’s on me.
It was a moment of weakness, we’ve all been there, and he’s done you a favour by continuing to be a total AH. Remember how it made you feel the next time you have those rose tinted specs on about the relationship. You called him feeling sad and lonely and vulnerable, and once again he was unable to meet your needs. That’s why the relationship is over.

Parcelit · 12/05/2025 09:11

Do you have children op?

Mystical1981 · 12/05/2025 19:40

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 12/05/2025 09:11

Totally agree with @PeggyMitchellsCameo
Why on earth are you worrying about “playing with his emotions”. Firstly, you’ve done nothing of the sort, and secondly, I worry why you feel like you are responsible for other people’s emotions. He didn’t need to pick up the phone to you, did he. If I got a call at 2am from an ex I’d know exactly what they were about. If I answered that’s on me.
It was a moment of weakness, we’ve all been there, and he’s done you a favour by continuing to be a total AH. Remember how it made you feel the next time you have those rose tinted specs on about the relationship. You called him feeling sad and lonely and vulnerable, and once again he was unable to meet your needs. That’s why the relationship is over.

Thankyou for this

OP posts:
shalamakooky · 12/05/2025 19:43

Yep we have all been there
and made to feel like you’re the worst person in the world

it will pass. Just block him as other pp has said

work through your feelings.

WildflowerConstellations · 12/05/2025 19:43

You say "no thanks", block and delete him number.

Organical · 12/05/2025 19:49

Write a list of the horrible things he said and did to remind yourself about why you left him. Keep it handy as a reminder.
It's easy to romanticise about the start of a relationship when everything is lovely. Until it's not.
In just one phone call to him he hasn't even put on a show of trying to be nice to you to get you back. He's reminded you of what a shit he was and still is.
You're just feeling vulnerable because that's how he has affected you and worn down your confidence.
Stay strong as the other poster said. You'll get there. You're bound to have temporary dips which will get less and less. Sending you a hug.

momtoboys · 12/05/2025 19:55

Been there, done that. Soon it will just be a memory.

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