No sex in a long time

[TT250]

I need some advice ….

so i have a 1 year old.m with my partner, I’ve had a rough up and down time with postnatal depression.
basically me and my partner haven’t really had sex since August 2023 …. When I write that it’s MENTAL to me… I got pregnant in the July … he didn’t want sex with me while I was pregnant which to an extent I can make excuses for but nothing since … not even anything else … we’ve been arguing on and off - I think the underlying part that we don’t have sex is a big reason why we do as I don’t feel wanted or connected in the way….
move mentioned it he says I need to stop having a go at him all the time then… he sleeps on the sofa most nights as our baby is in the bed with me and he’s paranoid he will squish her (I have a massive bed)

he says there’s never an opportunity to have sex i have 3 other children (teenagers) in the house. He says I need to initiate it because I was the one that did before which I don’t think it was all me before … and some days I feel like he barely wants to kiss me

I just feel so unwanted and. Disconnected with him and I feel like we need this part of our relationship to maybe help with us bickering ….

I’ve put weight on since I’ve had baby

am I being stupid ?? Does he just not want me?

He’s being extremely unfair saying you have to be the one to initiate it. Why? What is he doing to make you feel wanted? Does he pull his weight in the house? Does he compliment you? Does he tell you you look nice? Does he make an effort to be romantic? Does he hold your hand when you’re out or sitting on the sofa? Does he make time for you? Does he take you out for dinner or get snacks in and pick a movie for you both to watch? What does he do? Because it takes 2 to make a relationship work. It sounds like maybe he sees you differently since you had the baby. Madonna complex maybe? I assume the teenagers aren’t his kids?

I think he is too especially when I maybe test the waters and kiss him a bit more passionately to see how he will response and I don’t get anything back…
he does his share of housework, I get compliments every now and again but I feel like he’s being sarcastic sometimes like he HAS to do that. He’s not romantic no, no holding hands no, we don’t go out anymore since the baby, he’s suggested watching a movie a couple of times but we’ve watched one probably since baby,
he loves his baby and I do think he loves me, he love my kids yeah they’re not his but I just struggle when I feel so lonely right now I think

I think we've only had sex a couple of times, maybe three, since 2023. Both women. By the time we've had time of month which never coincides, being exhausted from running around working full-time and keeping house running, it just doesn't happen. Now we're adding peri and full menopause into the mix!!!
We are still totally in love with one another and have lots of cuddles. Maybe that's the stage we naturally arrived at.
I think you're putting yourself under pressure. Having an under-2 year old is hard. Having pnd is extra hard on top of the baby! You've put weight on since baby. Your body has done the most amazing thing ever in growing your baby and you giving birth. Again, more unnecessary pressure that you're putting on yourself. Or is he subliminally pressuring you but making it seem that you're pressuring yourself?
I'm not liking the way he seems to be putting all responsibility for initiating sex on you. He should be engaging in foreplay and general things to make you feel good about yourself. Think you need a chat, one where noone blames the other, you both sit and let each other say what's needed to be laid on the table. It'll hurt. Likely be messy. You have to break eggs to make omelettes though.
Hope you get through this stage in your relationship. It's a tough one.