Did anyone else loose their friends when they had children?

[danid26]

Hi all,

Like the title says really, did anyone else feel they had lost their friends after having children? DD is now two and I love her with all my heart, shes my best friend, and reminds me so such of how magical I seen the world. I feel sadly due to being unwell during pregnancy, and also postpartum I developed a lot of trauma and anxiety which made me not want to leave the house, I was very open and honest with my friends about why I was feeling the way I was, but I guess priorities shift in my life, and theirs and now, I always have to be the one to reach out, else I won't hear a thing. I guess the question I'm really getting at (considering I'm massively rambling, and have already awnsered my own question as to why this has happened) but has anyone else experienced this, and then just felt overwhelmingly alone but also never alone as I'm always to DD? I was always such a sociable person, and I feel I've lost myself completely. Just looking for some genuine advice.

Yes. I had what I thought were close friends until I had a baby. I was the first of all of us to have a baby. They all disappeared. However, others appeared in time who were solid, supportive friends who also love my kids. Try to get involved with some more mum friends.

@TipsyJoker Thank you so much for your reply! This was exactly how I felt, and then all of a sudden they were just gone. Thank you for your advice, I will definitely look into this. xx

I can see this from the other side, we seem to have lost a great friendship since they have had kids. The man was my husbands best friend from school, he was an usher at their wedding and we used to see them a lot as a couple. The meet ups dwindled since they had their son, we saw them a few times but we have never met their daughter who is now 6, they came to our wedding in 2023 but did not being their children, he was best man. I notice on facebook they still go out a lot but its always with other parent friends. They even visited a famous landmark near us but did not ask if they could stop by and they did not reply when I invited them. We really liked these people and would have been happy to be involved with them and their children but they don't seem interested in socialising or introducing their children to a childless couple.

same here. i have got used to life on my own at weekends (my husband is self employed and also a farmer so works long hours ) I don't mind seeing my friends kids but they are busy now with their lives.

I too see this from the other side with slightly older friends having children long before I was TTC. I would still meet them for lunch, but it was always around their timetables and very different to the nights out we used to have. That was fine, but I felt it was ME always contacting them and making the effort. Different you you OP because you say that YOU are always the one reaching out.

The years went on and their kids got older. I was TTC and in total lost 3 pregnancies. I tried catching up with these people I considered close friends and often tried to have an adult meet up in a cafe or at my house etc. More than once, I wrongly thought they'd come on their own. Nope, despite both having husbands, they'd often bring their children along. I didn't want to go into details about my MC's with their kids around. I always felt my conversation and what I was saying came 2nd to what little Jimmy/Jane were doing. Neither of these 'friends' know of my struggles to conceive or pregnancy losses and I haven't seen them in years now. I just feel our lives grow apart.

OP- you have done really well to get through your trauma an anxieties. When you do meet up with friends, do you always take your DD? If you have a partner/family, it might do you good to get back into being sociable, as an adult and no always on 'mum' time. x

From a lot further down the line from you - friendships shift and change as they evolve over a lifetime.
I now meet up with friends who were friends either from school, or from socialising in my teens and 20s, before children. I hardly saw any of them during the time our dc were all babies and children.

But I made other, new friends. Having dc is a great way to meet lots of other people - at your stage at baby groups, then at school, or dance or swimming or football or whatever it is they get in to.
Don't think you are only allowed a limited number of friends. Embrace the new situation you are in and get to know new people.