Confused

[hjor20]

I’m concerned my partner is having a nervous breakdown or some kind of breakdown. We’ve been together 12 and a half years, x2 children. He’s decided that he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me or not, he says he hasn’t got will to try.
he’s not been well for approx a month, throat infection, bad chest continuously and I’m not sure if he’s just burnt out and needs time to recover. He suffers from anxiety and depression and takes sertraline but maybe he needs something else? I don’t know. I’m trying to be supportive but my heart is breaking at the thought of my family splitting up. We have our fair share of ups and downs but nothing different to usual couples or so I thought.
I’m not sure what I’m asking, my head is such a mess, I’ve barely slept the past few nights.
I want to support him but how can I when my heart is breaking at the thought or fact our relationship is over.

I'm sorry you're going through this op. Honestly my first thoughts was his heads been turned by another woman. However considering he is ill and depressed it may be possible there's more to it.

Although I would be inclined to check his phone for dating apps tbh. Especially if he's had free time off work due to being ill.

Hopefully it's nothing like that.

But you talk about supporting him...I don't understand...he's the one choosing to break things up. Why does that require support? Who is supporting you? Please channel all your love into taking care of your own needs during this time. You deserve compassion just as much as him, if not moreso.

Ive asked about if there’s another woman. He denies, I have looked on phone and nothing there. I honestly do believe that it isn’t that. Although un well he has been working.

i just don’t feel we should give up? But every time we discuss it, it comes to the fact he doesn’t know if he wants to try, as far as I’m aware by not knowing if you want to try is enough of an answer for not trying. It all seems such a mess and I suppose I’m going through the motions.

I’ve not spoke to any of my friends or family purely out of not wanting to feel embarrassed or like a failure.

Ask him to get some therapy.

The thing is, you can't 'work at it' alone.

Also...I'm not saying relationships don't take work but surely the whole point of them is that they make your life happier and easier than it would be single. Your partner is miserable and he's making you feel the same way with his moods and revelations.

I'm absolutely team 'throw away things that no longer work'.

It's not a failure. You had 12 years and two kids. That's making a bloody good go of it.
Better than many manage these days.

I think you should probably take charge and end things clearly tbh. If the situation prolongs, you'll end up as depressed as he is. And you shouldn't be beholden to his whims.

Send him packing to his parents for a while. Tell him to get therapy and you'll revisit things after that with him and you can decide what works for you both.

But don't let him fanny you around. You're absolutely right, 'doesn't know' means no.