Need help to understand the his behaviour !

[Mariann44]

Ive been with my partner for a year now.
In the beginning we would meet one evening a week and now it’s a bit more but not much.
He has a demanding job and shared custody for his only child.
He has for the last month spent the evening and night with me when my children are here as we’ve always said we aNt to live together at some point.
Hiwever, I never spend time with him and his child. I’ve met the child once.
Another thing that I feel anxious about is that his parents who live a few hours away don’t know of me.
This weekend he went to stay with his parents and when he’s there he goes very quiet and it doesn’t make me feel like I can trust him.
he barely uses what’s app and last night he texted me good night at 11.30 I was already sleeping and so only saw it this morning. I saw he’ d been online at 6.30 which he’s never done in a year. I found that really odd and can’t work out why given he supposedly loves his sleep.
‘I also feel like he uses his daughter as an excuse as well for example this weekend is not his weekend with her but he took her with him to his parents. Am I overthinking ?

Are you absolutely 💯 sure with no doubt at all that he’s actually single?

Your post has every red flag going that he’s married and you’re the OW.

You don't trust him. Why on earth are you thinking of living together?

I wonder if I’m overthinking

His child knows of me he was on the phone with her and she asked where he was and he told her he was with me

@Mariann44 - if you need help to understand a partner’s behaviour, that’s generally a bad sign. What it tells you is that there’s something you’re profoundly unhappy about but you want your concerns explained away. But your concerns sound well-founded. Why do his parents not know about you? Why does he go quiet when he goes to his parents? I don’t think you’re overthinking. It does sound like something is going on and that perhaps he already has a long-term commitment to another woman. Sorry not to be able to reassure you.

There was a thread on here last year where a woman had been dating a guy for a few years with the same set up as you - one night a week he stayed over, used his parents, work and child as an excuse for why he was always busy.

She discovered he was happily married, his family knew nothing about her existence and he’d even given her a false name

Your OP is almost identical to hers so there’s huge he’s married red flags

Do you know where he lives? Have you asked to stay over at his place. It does sound like he married. Time to start digging OP. What as he said about the mother of his child?

He’s definitely divorced.

Have you been to his home?

Yes he lives alone

Have you had anxiety in previous relationships or is it just this one you feel so strongly paranoid about?

I think it's important to pay attention to your gut feeling, unless there's any reason in your past why you might be more suspicious than normal. But I wouldn't be quick to dismiss feelings that something isn't right.

My experience is that you usually know when someone is into you and you feel unsettled and confused if they're not.

Have you stayed over at his home? If so how often

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone with so little time. If you live together he'll still have a demanding job and will prioritise his time with his child.

have you told him about your feelings and wishes?
has he told you about his reasons?
a lot of people extricate themselves very slowly from the wreckage of a divorce. It doesn’t mean they have hidden lives.

Why is he around your children if you are uncertain, I think it sounds like he is keeping you at arms length. I don't think he's with the ex but I don't think he plans you in his future which is why you're seperate from his key life. Why not ask why he was up at 6.30?

He’s married

He had a son last month when you asked the same question and now a daughter ?