Rejection sensitive dysphoria and relationships, eek

[Popcarn]

I was diagnosed with ADHD this year and suddenly a lifetime of being told I'm too sensitive made sense when I learned about rejection sensitive dysphoria (or RSD for short)

I get it. Badly.

I'm in a relationship and it has been rearing its head, a lot more than usual.

Cancelled plans? Reduces me to tears. That's one example among many.

I baked a cake for him which turned out terribly, he was so polite bless him, but I feel like crying because I know it's shit and now in my silly brain he must think I'm shit 😂

I don't really show any of this as I don't want to look bonkers so I keep how I'm feeling to myself.

Does anybody else struggle with this and can offer solidarity or suggestions on how to deal with it?

I’d really recommend Dialectical Behavioural Therapy or DBT- emotional regulation and distress tolerance are two of the key skills taught and by the sounds of it would really help you!

Thank you, I've just looked that up on Google and that's really helpful! I'll do some more research 🙂

You’re welcome! As someone who has literally cried at spilt milk, I can empathise with your cake story! DBT has helped me become a lot happier, more resilient and more confident :)

Sending a hug from another ADHDer who also struggles with this a lot. I was diagnosed 10 years into my relationship - but it has made sense of a lot of things. I can often feel rejected before any rejection has even happened, if that makes sense. It has helped to name it and know what is happening, as well as speaking to my husband about it sometimes. Does he know about the ADHD and how you experience RSD? I am still building strategies myself - Interested to look into DBT too!

Yup. I feel for you. It's especially shit when combined with menopause.

Hey I’m on the other ends of this. Partner has it but don’t think realises it, yet. What’s a good way of letting them know without setting off an RSD episode!

Hi @AnotherNaCha, do you mean your partner likely has ADHD but doesn't realise? Or experiences RSD and doesn't realise? Just wanted to confirm as that might change the answer.

@DecidedlyUndecided thank you. He realises he has undiagnosed ASD - very clearly, and classic RSD. I actually broached it with him and sent a link. He’s currently in what I think is an overwhelm/shutdown mode and not in a good place - can’t cope with a few arguments. I thought reading up on it might help him make sense of it, like it has me (we both have it presenting in different ways, I’m ADHD)

150mg of sertraline to numb you more and 72mg of concerta with an instant if needed. My god my life has changed. I can talk facts are seperate from emotions so am a lot more logical however when 8pm hits if take meds at 7am I slept with an ex during this time window recently as the new man ive been seeing said it wasnt working maybe just fwb. So yeah it kicked in. Also the new bloke was seeing who is now my fwb thinks i am overtly impulsive and over emotional why? Ive only ever seen him when they have worn off. So ive gone to see him now and took an instant.

Also stop hyperfocusing on him. Remember whats important to you.

Oops still not clear. He had never heard of RSD

Morning @AnotherNaCha - I see, so he still isn't linking RSD to himself? I wonder if it might be worth finding a YouTube video about it and asking him to watch it with you so that he can understand you a bit better. Then perhaps the seed might be planted for him too - then it could open up a future conversation when he's in the right head space?

It might be different for your partner but mine can feel quite cornered if I am too direct about things, so I have found it works better to plant the seed and wait for a good time to discuss it further. The best time to discuss things with him is when we go for a walk I find - there is something about it that opens him up a bit more. I just bring it up naturally in conversation - I make sure it doesn't sound like an intervention if you know what I mean? Might be worth a try?