I’m a 30 year old woman who has always identified as straight, only dated men ect. It’s usually felt a bit forced for me and I have only ever had one relationship. I always thought there was something wrong with me, like commitment issues, trauma or something like that.
In January this year I met a woman in a professional setting who I suspect is a lesbian. It’s hard to explain but the way she looked at me awakened something in me and has basically lead me to question my sexuality for the first time.
Nothing happened with her but in February I switched my preference on hinge from men to men and women. I went on a couple of dates with a woman and didn’t really feel anything. However at the same time I matched with another woman who I felt an instant connection with even just when I saw her profile. Like nothing else I have ever experienced.
Cut forward to now and we have been seeing each other for a couple of months. I have met her friends and now she wants to meet mine. The only problem is I’m not out. Because this is so new to me and this has happened so fast, I don’t actually know how I feel about things, I’m not even sure I feel like I am bisexual, although I suppose I must be. But I’m finding it hard to get my head around. I’ve not really accepted it myself yet, perhaps I have some internalise homophobia to work though. So I’m no where near ready to come out to others. I don’t know if I ever will be.
When I met her I was kind of seeing it as an exploration. I didn’t expect it to go anywhere. I thought she would quickly get bored of me as she is a very seasoned lesbian and has been single quite a long time.
The problem is, she doesn’t know I’m not out. She knows my family don’t know but she didn’t ask me if my friends knew about my sexuality. I think she has assumed they do. I also told her I had an experience when I was younger with a woman which was a lie.
I thought she would be put off dating me so I havnt corrected her about not being out. And that’s why I lied about saying I’d had experiences before. When in reality this is all super new to me. I basically didn’t want her to be put off by me, assuming I was looking to just experiment.
I didn’t expect it to last this long or be going so well. I don’t want to stop seeing her. I’ve not felt this way about anyone ever.
I’m so confused. I also feel really stressed keeping this from her. I’ve made a real mess for myself.
I don’t know what to do. I know I need to be honest and see if she will wait for me to feel ready. I feel terrible keeping this from her.
Do you think she will stop seeing me? Or is this something we can work through?
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and able to offer some advice or perspective please?
Thanks for reading if you got this far x