Husband Stealing Money from Savings Account

[Britters69]

So I just found out that my husband has been regularly stealing money from our joint savings account and covered it up by borrowing £7000 from a friend at work.

We now have less money than I thought in our safety net fund, and we are just about to buy a new house.

He has had a bit of an issue with gambling, obviously a bigger issue than I thought, and has recently had a depressive breakdown and is now on medication.

We don't have sex, he is rarely there for our son, and now I can't trust him financially. I do love him and I want to be empathetic to his mental health struggles, but I am truly getting NOTHING from this marriage.

I don't want to tell our family and friends because I don't want them to be as a disappointed in him as I am.

No idea what to do.

Buying a house is going to be a massive mistake. You don’t trust him and don’t want to be with him? Wouldn’t it be better to leave and actually enjoy your life?

My personal advice would be do not buy a house, remove all your contributions from the joint and begin divorce.

But i have never seen a woman i know stick with a gambler and it come good / they live happily after after.
Its just lies and betrayal from here until the end.

My aunt found over 100k in secret debt when my uncle died and i think it was the thing that finally tipped her over the edge.

You should count yourself lucky you haven't bought the house

Who is providing the money for the deposit? Tbh, it will all likely end badly given gambling addiction is involved. I would end the marriage.

Open a new savings account that requires both your signatures to make a withdrawal. Or simply one in your name. Perhaps taking that responsibility away from him will help. If he's addicted to gambling, he won't stop.

Are you sure you want to stay with him? He can't be trusted.

@Britters69 move your savings or half of them immediately.

Had he admitted what he’s done or have you found out from someone else.

can you afford to go forward on your own with a mortgage?

has he said he is going to get help and stop gambling or is he minimising it?

Do you want to keep trying with an addict?

Don't buy a house with this man. Take your money out of joint savings and consider the relationship. Especially since he's stolen from you and lied. That would be the end for me.

He has had a bit of an issue with gambling, obviously a bigger issue than I thought,

MUCH bigger. Gambling to the extent that he has to borrow £7,000 to cover his tracks isn't the odd flutter. And that he's doing it in secret is bad.

The situation now is that (a) you have less in savings than you should have and (b) you're going to have less money each month from now on because he has to pay his friend back.

To a gambler gambling is always their priority. Over family and, eventually, work. Any money is seen as gambling money, not money for the family.

If you want to stay with him you're going to have to have a very tough talk with him. But be prepared for him to say all the right things and then not change anything. PPs are right, make sure you take your half of the savings (remembering to calculate that he's already had £7,000 so whatever is half now, add on £3,500 to what you take). But please don't buy a house. And think about ending the relationship. The odds are against him giving it up and you shouldn't have to be his mother monitoring his spending.

Sorry op. I also say do not buy the house and make plans to leave.
Poor work friend too, because they won’t be getting their cash back!
So sorry, but better to find out now

Despite all this you still plans to buy a house with because you really love him…..

There are so many red flags waving in front of you but the fact is you’re going to ignore it all and go ahead, the same old story we see on mumsnet, then come back in a few years about how things are still horrible and now you have another child and have bought a house which all complicates separating even more.

I have first hand experience of this, please do not buy a house with this man

Split your finances immediately, divorce him, then buy a house by yourself.

Come on op!

Gambling, no sex, stealing your money. What does he bring to your life?

Go online right now and move your half of the savings. Then leave him. He will only drag you down with him, you'll spend your life trying to clear his debts.

Get rid of him now.

He's a gambler. Take it from someone who wasted many years of their life with one. They will leave you with nothing. They'll step over your granny to chase their losses and they will financially destroy you. Took me years to recover. Don't do it to yourself.

Gambling is a serious addiction just like alcoholism - the statistics show that he is very unlikely to be able to stop, sorry.

Your love won't stop him. Your children being without a stable financial footing wont. Losing your home won't.

Even if you could try and control all your finances there's nothing to stop him borrowing from friends again - and they must be repaid, just as you are going to have repay this 7k.

This will happen over and over again until you are in bits - and your children are homeless.

You MUST do the right thing for them OP.

You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

Love is not enough.

You love who love but him screwing the family finances could be a high price to pay.