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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he still with her?

23 replies

Pinkfluffyfrog · 10/05/2025 11:18

In October I started talking to a man on social media. The messages progressed and we started a relatonship at the beginning of the year. He is kind, wonderful and loving but he rarely stays over. He had a woman on his social media that he seemed very close to and when I asked him about her he said they were just very close friends.
I woke up to a message from that woman in early March asking why I had pictures of her husband on social media. It turns out he was cheating on her. He told me the relationship had been over for months and they had split. I blocked her, then unblocked her. I didn't hear from him for a while but he came back and we went for drinks. He stayed over. Then a couple of weeks later he went missing and I couldn't get in touch only for him to be back and spend the rest of the weekend with me.

After he went home I found another message from his ex wife asking if I was with him because she needed to get in touch. What's going on? I feel like I am being stalked by his crazy ex wife.

OP posts:
Loki64 · 10/05/2025 11:21

I think you've answered your question already? Hes married and your the other woman?

TwistedWonder · 10/05/2025 11:22

Is this a reverse or a wind up thread ? If not then you really can’t be that naive- seriously??

You’re having an affair a married man, his wife contacts you and your response is to block her and have sex with him again - is this for real?

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/05/2025 11:23

🤔

YesHonestly · 10/05/2025 11:23

She’s not his crazy ex wife.

She’s his wife. You are the other woman.

Edenmum2 · 10/05/2025 11:27

Yeah his wife isn’t the crazy one

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/05/2025 11:34

Is he still with her? Oh ffs op - he has never not been! He’s married, and you are the OW. He’s a lying, cheating rat - stop playing dumb, and block and move on, he is his wife’s problem.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 10/05/2025 11:37

What's going on is that you're very much knowingly having sex with a married man.

TwistedWonder · 10/05/2025 11:37

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 10/05/2025 11:37

What's going on is that you're very much knowingly having sex with a married man.

And pretending to play the wide eyed innocent about it

MoominMai · 10/05/2025 11:49

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Calliecarpa · 10/05/2025 11:53

WTF did I just read?

She's not his 'crazy ex-wife'. She's his current actual wife, and you're the OW. Of course you're not being stalked. She's desperately trying to find out where her husband is. Because he's her husband and they're married and living together.

So it's happened at least twice that you 'didn't hear from him' and he 'went missing', yet both times you accepted it and took him back into your life. What on earth did you do that for? Where on earth do you think he was during those times? He was with his wife, obviously!

SamphiretheTervosaur · 10/05/2025 11:59

She isn't his ex

You are the other woman

You don't have to be

healthybychristmas · 10/05/2025 12:07

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3PuoX512HxgswYDzbpQ85L?si=YHv0srvET2mtJ-X854D9Kw

I've been listening to the podcast called the affair and this episode sounds remarkably like you, OP. If you listen to it can you tell us if you think she sounds reasonable?

commonsense61 · 10/05/2025 12:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

BlondiePortz · 10/05/2025 12:17

So you have deliberately doing this or has he planted an idea in your head where you can't think for yourself? Do any women own their thoughts?

On here it is increasing they don't seem too

FortyElephants · 10/05/2025 12:20

Are you for real??

AgathaX · 10/05/2025 12:25

I think you've had your answers here. You need to block him. He's a cheat. You're willingly enabling it. His poor wife.

BunnyRuddington · 10/05/2025 12:30

To answer your question. Yes, he’s still with her. There has not been a time when he’s not been with her.

He’s a cheat, a liar and a manipulator.

The DW isn’t an ex and she’s not crazy.

Why are you standards so low that you’d accept this behaviour from a man?

Dery · 10/05/2025 12:36

Calliecarpa · Today 11:53

“WTF did I just read?
She's not his 'crazy ex-wife'. She's his current actual wife, and you're the OW. Of course you're not being stalked. She's desperately trying to find out where her husband is. Because he's her husband and they're married and living together.
So it's happened at least twice that you 'didn't hear from him' and he 'went missing', yet both times you accepted it and took him back into your life. What on earth did you do that for? Where on earth do you think he was during those times? He was with his wife, obviously!”

This with bells on. @Pinkfluffyfrog - this guy is a liar and a cheat. Move on.

Chellybelle · 10/05/2025 12:52

Is this a wind up or a reverse? If it's not, then you are extremely naive. Yes he's still with her.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 10/05/2025 13:02

He’s married, he’s cheating on with you and bet my house on him cheating with more than woman.
Why would you put yourself through this? You must be desperate for attention to insert yourself into this mess knowingly.

flapjackfairy · 10/05/2025 13:14

I call bull on this one

OchreRaven · 10/05/2025 13:56

I also think this is a wind-up. No one is this naive.

For a start he lied to you and told you she was a close friend. Then once you find out he’s married suddenly his story changes to they are separated. That is enough to put that one back.

If this is post is true then find some self esteem. You deserve better. Don’t be part of this mess. He’ll continue to cheat but don’t let it be with you.

TwistedWonder · 10/05/2025 14:35

flapjackfairy · 10/05/2025 13:14

I call bull on this one

Agree. It’s absolutely ridiculous

‘I’m shagging a married man, his wife found out and contacted me so I’ve blocked her and carried on shagging her husband - why is she being so unreasonable to poor innocent little me’

It’s either complete nonsense or the OP has a bar do low it’s subterranean

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