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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship over, so sad and really struggling

9 replies

Lifeonmars999 · 10/05/2025 11:17

I don’t really know where to start. 2 weeks ago DP of 18 years ended our relationship. We are both 50 no DCs. Says he has been unhappy for months, isn’t in love with me and it isn’t working anymore, has got cold feet, relationship feels uncomfortable. Didn’t tell me sooner as knows how devastated I would be, which I am. I love him and I am heartbroken. I have begged but he doesn’t want to work things out or give us a chance. I think the term is he ‘checked out’ months ago. He swears blind there isn’t another woman.

Think I have had my head buried in the sand as we never really talked about our relationship. In the past 6 months we have had more disagreements over small things - he can get angry quickly or passive-aggressive and sometimes shouts and swears. Over the years he has also called me hurtful names, lunatic, moron, wanker, fucking idiot and never apologises, I then get told I am being a drama queen and being too emotional when I cry, and this is one of the reasons he has ended it. Also last year he began to criticise me more, e.g. I talk too loudly, blow my nose too much (I get hayfever!). I couldn’t understand why he was picking on me and got offended which then lead to more hostility.

He is not a horrible person and has been very kind generous and supportive over the years, which is why I am finding it so hard to accept this.

We are in the process of selling the house but still living together is unbearable as nothing has really changed but it has if you know what I mean.

I just don’t know how I am going to get through this, especially when he actually leaves. We have lived together for 16 years.

OP posts:
LeftieRightsHoarder · 10/05/2025 12:01

he can get angry quickly or passive-aggressive and sometimes shouts and swears. Over the years he has also called me hurtful names, lunatic, moron, wanker, fucking idiot and never apologises. … Also last year he began to criticise me more, e.g. I talk too loudly, blow my nose too much (I get hayfever!).

I’m sorry, OP. He may have been kind and supportive in the past, but he is not a good man. Whether he’s seeing another woman or not, you will be better off without him tormenting you. He is not good for you.

It’s hard to go through a break-up when you still love him. But it does sound as if he didn’t deserve or appreciate your love.

I hope you find peace and happiness soon.

ChaliceinWonderland · 11/07/2025 20:40

But ' he is a horrible person. He abused you. Hope you got away from him and have found peace by yourself x

MuckFusk · 11/07/2025 21:19

Lovey, he is a horrible person. You have described verbal and emotional abuse. It doesn't matter if he used to be nice. Now he is an abusive prick. When you accept and internalize the truth about who he is, you will feel relief that you escaped. There very likely is another woman, and of course he won't admit it. When they suddenly start criticizing you over trivial things they always accepted before, they are rationalizing their cheating, giving themselves excuses.
It's hard, but you will get through this. It involves radical acceptance and self care. Your life has now completely changed. It's a difficult adjustment and it takes time.
I was with my ex 30 + years, similar scenario. I am now happy he is out of my life.

cheapskatemum · 11/07/2025 21:27

You only have his word for it that there isn’t another woman.

Smellisande · 11/07/2025 21:29

I am in the same boat, except after 29 years and two children. All this criticising over trivial things is very familiar.

AtrociousCircumstance · 11/07/2025 21:31

Yes he was verbally and emotionally abusing you from the sounds of it.

Smellisande · 11/07/2025 21:32

Heartbroken is the right word. Sending you ❤️

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 11/07/2025 21:34

How are you now @Lifeonmars999

It's been a couple of months.

Smellisande · 11/07/2025 21:35

Oh no, sorry for reviving an old thread.

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