Do you need any help?

[wearyourpinkglove]

Does anyone else find this phrase incredibly irritating when their partner says this? For context, it's often said when we are out with friends. So husband will be sitting with a beer and I will be changing my daughter's nappy/ following her round to stop her hurting herself (she's ten months and crawling). He will eventually take over without me asking, or will take over when asked. I want to say to him either just take over or don't. I feel like when he says "do you need any help?" it's putting it on me to have to ask. I feel like he's expecting me to say no and he's just saying it to look good. At home he is a good husband and dad who does things without being asked, I don't know why he always does this when we are out. Am I reasonable to mention this to him? It will likely cause an argument.

You’re right. He’s only asking to look good when really he just wants to sit and have a beer. Next time he asks just say, “yeah that would be good thanks, I want a break.”

I do sometimes and I feel quite awkward about it as our friends are all watching and it feels like they can all see the tension. I remember once he asked "do you want me to change her nappy?" I said yes please and he said "oh I wasn't expecting you to say that (lol)" for some reason it makes me feel embarrassed that I've asked for help but maybe he's the one that should be embarrassed.

You’re not asking for help. He’s offered to parent his own child. Why are you the default parent? You’re both parents. Why does he get to slack off and not allow you to as well. You should be a team. You shouldn’t be embarrassed, you should be pissed off that he’s being a lazy prick and putting all the responsibility on you because he believes that it’s your job and he’s just, “helping”. He’s not a helper he’s a father and it’s as much his child and his responsibility as it is yours.

Can't you take it in turns when out and about? One day he's in charge of nappies and safety and the next you are so you both get an opportunity to kick back.

This. End of!

Thank you for your replies, I'm glad that it's not just me, I was questioning why I find this so irritating. The weird thing is he steps up at home and I have no complaints, this only occurs when we are out and in front of people and that's why I wonder if I'm being unreasonable. I am generally the nappy changer at home which I don't mind as he has other responsibilities (he takes on more of the housework and tidying up) but this can become imbalanced on a day out as he doesn't then have the tidying and housework while we are out.
Yes I think the PP is right and we should agree on who has what responsibility before we go out.