Farmers

[Happypositivemum]

I have started dating a cattle farmer. Those who are dating or married to a farmer ever see them! We both have children between 8 and 18. If I don't go to him I would never see him. I know it's baby calf/lamb season so he is super busy. It's been 5 months.

You only need to read some of the threads in here of people with farming partners to know they hardly ever see them! Longest working days ever especially during lambing / calving / harvest etc etc!

My cousin dated a farmer. She ended up moving in with him. Somehow he still found the time to cheat on her.

Shows his priorities after 5 months, doesn't it. It won't get any better.

Have you ever discussed his work? What time he gets up in the morning and what time he usually finishes?

I've been married to a farmer over 30 years, prior to that I grew up on a farm so I knew exactly what I was getting into. The farm always comes first, farmers never fully switch off, their animals welfare is number one priority. Births, deaths and marriages have to fit around the farm. As its a life I've always known I accept it but I think it must be very difficult for anyone who isn't use to this life to adapt to.

I've been married to a farmer for over 40 years. We have cattle and are also commercial hay producers. We are irrigators, so that means much more work/problems.
Farming is a lifestyle, not a job. There are no set hours and you never know when you're going to hear, "the cows are out". There's never a dull moment.

I believe, a farmer's wife has to be into the lifestyle, or it won't work.
I love it and actually went out looking for a farmer to marry.

Those priorities are his livelihood and he is responsible for the welfare of his animals so they will always need to come first, whether the OP likes it or not. If his lifestyle isn't for her, she will need to find someone else because he's not in a position to drop everything to suit her needs, whether he'd like to or not.

I grew up on a farm, and live back home there again as I help out during DF health issues. Every case is unique, but I would have seen my parents relationships and neighbours too. My DM worked in nursing, which has it's own challenges on time and schedules.

For what it is worth, two comments:

1. The farm always has priority, especially with respect to animal welfare, safety, time constraints, etc. DF's farm is large/efficient, plus he has army pension and DM had a senior nursing role, so we did not have the financial concerns that others would have.
2. Here is something I noticed, and this is anecdotal only. Farmers can get very comfortable with their setup, their space, their timetable, their flexibility. They often don't really feel bothered to leave their bubble. The reality is that he could easily make time to go and see you, but I suspect he is not bothered to do so. I'd be concerned about that