Dating again at 40 - it feels hard

[RandomTrumpet79]

I've recently found myself separated and looking at dating again. I have tween age children and never once considered I'd be back to dating again. I'm considerably bigger, squishier and greyer than I was when I got married and I'm finding the idea of dating again very panic inducing. My default method to meet men when I was younger was to get drunk but at 40 that doesn't feel like the right way to go about things.

I have started to develop very strong feelings for a colleague (definitely not just a crush, these are genuine feelings) and not sure whether to pursue and if so, how I'd do that.

Genuinely very confused and worried I'll end up as a lonely old cat lady 😆

Anyone been through the same?

How recently separated?

what about just taking a break and being single for a bit

Wow… very recent given you were only considering separation 8 weeks ago

Stay away from anyone you work with. That's just asking for trouble.

We talked and agreed to separate. Neither of us had been happy for some time. We're talking years here.

This seems sensible. I just feel very odd. If you'd have asked me 10 years ago I'd have told you I had everything sorted. Now it feels like everything is very much not sorted and I'm learning life again.

You’re very much still in the midst of a separation and dealing with logistics and your children
just pause and enjoy being queen of your own domain

Dating a colleague can be problematic if it all goes wrong. Been there, done that. Though excluding online dating, meeting someone at work tends to be a common way people meet. Sounds like you’re very recently seperated so I wouldn’t jump straight into something else.

I waited five years after separation and then went online, very much on my terms. It was fun and very liberating as I had zero expectations or requirements, knowing very well I was absolutely fine on my own. I would never in a million years have gone anywhere near a colleague.

And I was 52, I can assure you life is not over at 40.

@RandomTrumpet79 Many of us who are close to 40 have never dated at all, whereas you have previous experience as you are talking about dating "again." Do you not think that having previous dating experience is a point in your favour above other people?

I have started to develop very strong feelings for a colleague (definitely not just a crush, these are genuine feelings) and not sure whether to pursue and if so, how I'd do that.

Don't do this. This can have really negative consequences.

Genuinely very confused and worried I'll end up as a lonely old cat lady

Have you tried downloading a dating app, uploading a photograph of yourself, and swiping right on every profile? I would be surprised if you don't get at least 1 match per week.

Why do you need to date? If you're only recently separated and you have quite young children, I would just enjoy being on your own for a while. Peace and quiet! I'm not saying never date again, but if you've just come out of a long term relationship you could probably do with some time on your own.

Sorry, OP. But your title might be a good thing when dating men aged 40 plus😁
Just me who read it like that then....

I second do not go anywhere near a colleague!
I have started dating again and am 53! (using online)
It’s …. interesting!!

I’ve a friend who is approaching mid forties and single for ages and for the last few years has given up actively online dating or trying to. She is open to the idea but wants someone that enhances her life. She isn’t sad or lonely, she’s very busy.

If my relationship ended i don’t think i could be arsed going on that merry go round again.

I did start dating again aged 49 and it was fine as far as it went. But I’m worried that you are all over the place. Still living with your partner, young children at home, think you look awful, feelings for a colleague, panicking you’ll be alone (and that being alone is the worst possible outcome). Slow down!

Leave the colleague alone, though enjoy the spring in your step (we all need a reason to go to work). Just because you have feelings doesn’t mean you have to act on them. See friends, exercise, enjoy the world, enjoy having time for your kids - relationships will inevitably affect them and a bit of time just being you won’t hurt.