We’ve married for 9 years, 2 children, 1 4yo boy and one 6mo baby. We are in mid 30s. I don’t know how to start but recently I’ve been feeling fed up with my husband and I think he’s feeling the same too. He said all I do is nagging and he’s losing his patience and tell me to leave him alone.
Things I complain about:
- he smokes/vapes - he’s switched to vaping since I got pregnant with this baby but still has a cig when offered. The thing is now he’s vaping so much that makes me feel like he’s consuming more nicotine than when he smoked.
- he has an unhealthy diet: he doesn’t cook much. When I don’t cook he would get fast foods and fizzy drinks (coke, Dr Pepper - the original one). His father has stomach cancer and I’m just worried that if he doesn’t change he would end up having the same thing at a much earlier age.
- he stays up late to play game on his phone - so when he has to wake up early to get our boy ready for nursery, he doesn’t have the patience and keep rushing the boy which obviously doesn’t work. It just causes more chaos and meltdowns in the morning which ended up in me having to step in which also means I have to deal with both children in the morning. I want him to be a mature father, not someone who just argues with his son or shouts when our 4yo doesn’t listen. I don’t want our son to grow up thinking losing patience and shouting are ok.
- he doesn’t do things without me asking for it, eg. Folding the clothes, fixing light bulbs, filling up wall holes, putting clothes in the wash, gardening etc…). I’m tired of having to ask.
I’m currently on MAT leave, he’s out working about 7/8 hours a day. When he gets home he would help me looking after the children so I can do stuff around the house so I appreciate that, but it doesn’t stop me nagging him about the stuff above. I just can’t help it.
I’ve realised that we don’t have time for each other nowadays and all we talk about is just the children’s stuff… sex is non existent because I was pregnant and now breastfeeding and I’m just not in a mood for it at all.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like if it continues like this we will end up going our separate way in the near future which I don’t want to. But I don’t know what to do and can’t stop myself from complaining too (I had tried to not doing it in front of our son because he understands a lot of stuff now). Thank you so much if you’ve read everything up till now. AIBU for keep nagging? Any advice?
PS: he’s an honest man, stays at home when he doesn’t work, helps me a lot (when I ask) most of the times. When I don’t nag, he’s cool and everyone in my family said that he’s very easygoing.