He left…

[anonamum123]

Following my post last week, about my hubby buying viagra… The responses were all saying he’s cheating still.

so, he stayed out late one night last week, I called him out to be met with a lie. I decided I needed conclusive evidence, so got a PI for last Saturday night.

it caught him with the young girl in his car.. talking and kissing. I kicked him out on Sunday…

My question is, do people change? How do I navigate this next bit? He’s promising me the world, saying he was ending it with her on Saturday but then still passionately kissed her to say goodbye… begging to come home, saying he’s been in a bad place etc. escapism, got in too far and didn’t know how to back out… I don’t know what to believe? I’m not hopeful but I’m numb to everything… I don’t feel anything, except for a want to abuse him… it’s anger.

I’m waiting to be sad, and miss him… but he’s been doing this for nearly a year now, and been caught out so much.

any words of wisdom would be appreciated 💛

he left - you should be putting up the flags !

as you said you have written about him before, I did a quick search and yes you have.

so maybe now enough is enough.

and get divorced.

I hope ur ok. I’m sorry it’s worked out this way

You know full well he's full of shit. Focus on you. Move on.

It’s time to walk, if not run away. I’m sorry, it can be so hard. Every red-flag bunting is flying high in the wind

No, people like husband do not change, ever. They will lie and say any rubbish in order to get what they want, because men like that are utterly selfish and only care about themselves and their own wants. Which is usually a wife and a sidepiece or 5. You would be crazy to take him back, because he's absolutely going to cheat on you again. It's already not the first time you have caught him cheating, so...

There was a thread today or yesterday from a woman who has a husband like yours, and decided to tolerate his bullshit behaviour for decade after decade after decade. He not only continues to cheat on her, but he also gave her an STI - and it's only now, 35 years later, that she's finally opened her eyes to her mistake of staying with her husband. Don't make the same mistake as her.

Well done for kicking him out Op. You need to give yourself time to adjust and process what has happened. You’ve known he’s been lying and cheating for such a long time and he’s treated you like you came down in the last shower. It must have been painful to see the photos but you now know the extent of the lying. And even when faced with irrefutable evidence, he continues to lie to you - kindly, no one says a passionate goodbye when they’re dumping their young girlfriend.

Sit with this for a bit, don’t make any decisions right now. You’ve finally broken the cycle - that’s such a big step. Give yourself time, keep communication with him to strictly about kids / business / finance. Don’t entertain anything from him. Think of yourself as single and begin to imagine the possibilities that presents. What are the benefits in your situation? Peace, calm. The possibility you might meet someone who doesn’t treat you like shit and who values you and only you. You deserve so much more than he’s offered you, begin to build a life for yourself and your kids. It might get worse for a bit, but it will get so so much better for you. Stay strong.

he won’t change. Let him go don’t listen to him

Seriously you need to ask? how many more red flags do you need

You have been begging him to change for the last year. Not only has he not changed, he hasn’t even pretended to. It was obvious to you he was continuing his affair.

Of course he’s upset now because he doesn’t want any consequences. He wants to stay married to you as it benefits him financially, helps his reputation and he gets all his domestic needs taken care of including his children.

He’s put himself in a bad situation that he’s now trying to worm his way out of. He realises that the settling down with a 22 year old isn’t the same as having illicit sex with her. He will make promises about changing and seeing the light but if you let him come back you are just giving him the go ahead to do it again. If not with this girl then the next one that shows him a bit of interest.

You offered him an open marriage and he turned it down because he didn’t want YOU to date. He doesn’t respect you and doesn’t care about your feelings. He just wants his life to be easy. It hurts but it’s the truth.

Even if, for arguments sake, he does change and never looks at another woman again, you will never know that to be true. You will be constantly on edge waiting for the next time he betrays you. You are wasting your life trying to change this man. You are still young and you sound like a strong and loving woman who has so much to give the right person but he is not it.

No, he will not change, he cannot change - this is him.

He will promise you the earth because you have whipped his comfy shag-pile rug out from under his far too comfortable feet.
It will hurt, you will have every emotion known to man and womankind, you will be sobbing one minute and angry the next - or, you may well surprise yourself and sail through it. We are all different and we all react differently. It is all normal though.

I often find that it is easier to break difficult tasks down into manageable chunks - rather than 'oh my god, how will I manage' or 'this is just so painful and only he can take that pain away', promise yourself that you will keep putting one foot in front of the other for 'just another day' - one more day of ignoring him or one more day of him not being around you and pretty soon a month will have gone by and you will realise that you didn't think about him that day, or you laughed at something or you realised that you had just had a nice day.

Once your mind and body are allowed to relax from the state of high alert and anxiety that it has been used to around him, you will be pleasantly surprised by what a normal, no drama life feels like. And you will not need to barter with yourself to get through one more day - you will want it!

I'm very impressed with the hiring of a PI - go you! I hope he gets the bill for that.

Well done and give yourself some credit for doing something to rid your life of this horrible man.

He’ll lie and cheat on you and put your sexual health at risk for the rest of your life if you let him. Only you can get him out of your life - you CAN do it and you will be so much better off for it. Get this lying, manipulative scum bag out of your life.

Stay strong and tell him to fuck off, you deserve so much better

Stay strong. It’s all bullshit to try and wear you down and let him home. He will do this again.

What a coincidence that he was ending it with her just as the PI was taking their photos.

He must think you were born yesterday

No way. He's a deceitful creep of a man.

Stick to your guns- he’s a wrong’un and won’t change.

If you let him back in you are giving him a license to cheat, he will think he can talk you round each time. He is making a mug out of you. Find your anger and hold on to it.

I can’t think of a relationship I haven’t ended with a big long passionate smooch… of course he’s lying, he’s lied, he WILL continue to lie. He is utterly selfish and entitled to the core.

Come in @anonamum123 you cant possibly believe this bs!

Sweetheart it is time. You’ve been dancing around getting rid of this creep for so long now. He is a dead weight holding you back. You deserve better. Communication should be finances and children only from now on. Don’t give him an opportunity to pull all of this.

He won’t change. Don’t let him weasel his way back into your life.

Even if he never cheats again. You now know his capacity for deceit and how he values you and your relationship.

They all promise you the world, they all cry snotty tears and they all return to type when they feel back to normal, what they don’t do is full respect and appreciate what they’ve done to you.

Cheating isn’t just an affair, the destruction it does to a relationship is awful. The lies and mistrust, your r relationship will never be the same again. You’ll have to adapt to a new realty. One where blind trust and expected respect isn’t there any longer.

I stayed for 3 years to mend and build a new relationship with my dh after cheating, but it didn’t work and we eventually divorced. I wished I’d not bothered and left when I’d first found out. What. Waste of 3 years

I remembered your threads. Don’t be a fool by believing a single word this man says.

He will say what he needs to to convince you, yet again, that he’ll change. He’s doing that so he doesn’t lose the comfort of home, and at least 50% of his financial assets. That’s all. He’s looking out for himself, not thinking about you and his children.

This man is a liar. He’s always lied. He’s always been unfaithful. And there is no way this has been an ‘emotional affair’. It’s physical.

He preyed on you when you were 18 and he’s done it again with this 22 year old. I imagine he’s done it many, many times. As an aside, people don’t ‘lose’ 56 Viagra tablets one at a time like he’s claimed. He was probably trying to pretend to have the virility of a 20-something.

By forgiving him each time, he believes he can keep the easy comfort of home, and still shag a 22 yo, so long as he hides it better. That’s what he wants to do. That’s what he keeps doing.

You will have a fair amount in a financial settlement based on your other threads, but you must seek legal advice. Get what is owed to you and your children. Do not believe for one second that he will do the right thing by you and the kids, he won’t. He’s out for himself now.

But please, dig deep, raise your bar, and keep him gone.

He’s a liar and a cheat. Tell yourself this over and over again. You can’t believe a word coming out of his mouth. You deserve better.

I am sorry you are married to a lying, cheating shit (been there). Be glad the trash took itself out, Time to get a lawyer op.